6 com

Auf Wiedersehen, for now.

I've made the decision. I'm moving in a new direction and starting a brand-spanking-new site.

I've been struggling with the decision for weeks. Not the decision to start a new site, that I've been sure of for awhile. Sure, I can make An American Girl more general and less Vienna-focused all the time, but the truth is that I can't send this blog out far and wide because there are many people who don't know, who I don't want to know, about Vienna yet. So, I can't post this on Facebook or send out without worrying about who's going to find it.

I have been struggling with the decision about what to do with An American Girl. I thought maybe that I could just have two blogs. Yea. That's not going to happen. Then I thought that I should at least keep this going while getting the other up and running. Unfortunately, I began to feel so overwhelmed and a little guilty about the whole thing that I wasn't working on either!

Just the other day I thought, you know what, this is supposed to be FUN. Not a burden. And in that moment I knew. An American Girl is going to take a break for awhile, at least from this blog. This is not to say that I won't bring it back when we get closer to our move to Vienna. I might just do that. But in the meantime, I'm taking a different approach.

I can't share the site details with you yet, but if you check back in a couple weeks or so, I'll post the link. And for those of you with whom I've connected via your blogs, I'll send along the new site as soon as I can. For those of you who simply pop by to read An American Girl every now and again, I thank you ever so much for following along and do hope I can bring you along to my new virtual playland when the time comes.

Danke shoen & Auf Wiedersehen
Caroline
An American Girl

3 com

The results are in....

and I took home two 3rd place trophies, which ain't so bad.

I was a little disappointed in my placing (I could have sworn I had 2nd locked in), but I am not at all disappointed in how I looked or presented myself. I actually did quite well on stage and was told I seemed a natural with the stage presence and all. So, I've decided to be happy with third and use the frustration and energy to do better next time.

More later in the week, as I begin to come back to life and get back to a schedule, but I promised you photos, so here ya go!

4 com

A lifelong obsession

Apparently, I've had a thing for fancy shoes and big shades from a very early age. Aren't these great! My mom sent them to me this afternoon, photos of little me that I had never seen. And it appears I get my sense of style from her - who else's closet and purse would I have been raiding so young?

My big competition is just 2 days away. The training is done, I have tomorrow off work to take care of last minute appointments (hello, spray tan!) and a bit more posing practice, and I find myself with a little bit of downtime at home this evening. A luxury these days.

I've pushed myself in so many ways these past couple months, physically and mentally, and while I might not be able to technically say that I've loved every minute of it, I kind of have loved every minute of it.

Physically, I'm in near-peak condition. I honestly didn't believe I'd ever get my legs to look like they do today. Ever. I'm as healthy and as fit as I've ever been in my life. While I may not want to walk around quite this lean and muscled every day, I now see just what I can do with my body (what we can all do with our bodies), with the right knowledge, discipline, and determination.

Mentally, I've surpassed the level of discipline and determination I knew I had. I've always been pretty focused when I wanted to be, but this took EVEN MORE!

And I'm pushing my boundaries, my personal comfort levels. Being in the gym, training, I'm comfortable with that. Showing it off in the way I must on Saturday, that's a stretch for me. And putting myself in the position of being judged like that, officially, also a stretch.

As of this moment, the excitement has surpassed the nerves. I anticipate they'll return in force in the next 48 hours, but I think I've got the wherewithal to get through them.

I'll let you know how it goes!

3 com

I've been busy

I haven't been ignoring y'all for no reason. Seems my world, my life, my....well, everything, is about my upcoming competition. 2 weeks from tomorrow. gulp. Things are looking good. I like my back. I like my arms. I like my abs. Still working on that lower half.

Here's a peek at where I am two weeks out. Not my fave photos or poses, but I'm using this is a way to keep myself honest and on track - keep myself working toward the goal. I don't have my fancy suit yet, but I do have the shoes!

And definitely still working on my posing. I had a lesson last Friday in How To Walk. Think model walk. Swish the hips, roll the shoulders, look natural but command attention while simultaneously flexing the legs with each step, keeping the abs tight, smile, but not in a too-fake-way. Um, I'm quite certain there was more to it, but I'm at a loss at the moment.

I'm also experimenting with fake tans so I can be browner than a berry in two weeks. The first is just about worn off. It was not the exact color I was hoping for, so back to another salon with a different solution this weekend for another try.

0 com

Life = Risk

I needed this today......

2 com

A bouquet of sharpened pencils

All over Facebook, I'm seeing statuses and comments about my friends' children going "Back to School." I don't necessarily wish I was a mother sending her child back to school, but I am feeling an overwhelming desire to go Back to School myself. Oh, I don't have an actual desire to go Back to School, but I do long for a new season, a new start, the feeling of fall, which still, all these years later, goes hand-in-hand with the idea of Back to School.

One of my guilty pleasures is the movie "You've Got Mail" with Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks. And one of my favorite lines within is:

“Don’t you love New York in the fall? It makes me wanna buy school supplies. I would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if I knew your name and address..”

Ah, that's how I feel today. It is finally below 90 degrees here in California, I felt a bit of crispness in the air yesterday, and I long for cardigans and tights and a new pencil case in which to keep my new pencils.

1 com

Yes/No. All/None. Go/Stay.

I said to my husband the other day that I don't think of Vienna all that much these days. We don't have a strict timeline, I don't have anything hanging over my head that I have to think about/do/accomplish with regard to Vienna, I'm distracted with other things in my life, he's been out of town so we haven't talked much about it. So *poof* there it goes.

He, on the other hand, said he thinks about it all the time. He's trying to get a business off the ground and our moving to Vienna depends quite a bit on his ability to do so, so he is constantly thinking that he's not working hard enough, fast enough to get us there.

I wanted to tell him, "it's okay, take your time." I don't feel a sense of urgency at the moment and I don't want him to stress. But I stopped short of doing so. I was afraid he'd think that meant I was ambivalent, that I no longer want to go. And for a moment I start the protest in my head, "No, of course I still want to go. I'd go tomorrow if we could." But thou might protest too much.

I do still want to go to Vienna. I can say that in all honesty. But sometimes I feel like I want to stay here. And that is just as honest a statement.

My tendency is toward extremes. Yes/No. Black/White. All/None. I don't do to well with the middle area, the squishy ~ um, maybe, I feel two ways about one thing ~ kind of place. If I say yes to something, I have to make myself believe that yes is the only answer and I will do all I can to push out any other thoughts. If I start to have conflicting thoughts, then I assume that I was wrong, that I don't want whatever it is after all and I either have to suck it up and go along with it because I said I would or I have to completely pull the plug.

And that is where I find myself today, caught in the middle, one day wanting to move to Vienna, remembering what it was like to be there and missing it, eager to take on the challenge of an ex-pat life. Other days, I feel so comfortable in my own space that I want to stay. And still other days I feel dissatisfied with where I currently am but not wanting to make quite that big of a change.

None of this means that I don't want to move, that we won't move, that the plans will be tossed out the window. Right? I'm pretty sure it just means that I'm allowing myself to experience all that goes along with such a decision. This is huge for me. And, on top of that, to openly admit to others that maybe I don't have it all together inside. That's even bigger.

2 com

the treadmill : today's "place to be"

It's Sunday and Sunday is pretty much a non-training day for me. My Sunday "workout" is to go for a walk of at least 1 hour in length. Not bad, eh! Usually, I take advantage of this "easy" day and take a Sunday stroll around the neighborhood, I wander rather leisurely, I make phone calls while I'm strolling and catch up with family and friends.

Just didn't seem like enough this morning, though. I woke up feeling not so great in my little noggin. Nothing terrible or earth shattering, but just one of those unmotivated, uninspired mornings. I had a good cup of coffee and tried writing in my journal. eh. Tried writing a blog post. eh. Perfect time for my Sunday walk - get the blood flowing, clear my head. I started to get ready for my stroll, but was still feeling, eh. As strange as it may sound, what with all the dang training I'm doing, I actually felt unfit this morning. A little full, flabby (what did I eat yesterday, sheesh) and, well, I guess I was just a bit down. Somehow a leisurely Sunday stroll through the neighborhood just didn't seem serious enough.

So, off to the gym I went to spend an hour on the treadmill. Walking, mind you - not running, not biking, just walking. Egads, I thought, this is going to be boring. B.O.R.I.N.G. Well, boring though it may be, I though, I needed the intensity of the machine, I needed it to be an intentional workout, so I went.

I was wrong. I was wrong, wrong, wrong. Boring? Nope. Quite the contrary. With no distractions, no phone calls, no yards to peek in, my little noggin started whizzing, zinging, having thoughts, making connections. My head turned upside down, blah to yea! Inspiration and ideas for a new project I'm thinking about appeared seemingly out of nowhere. Since our decision to be more flexible on the Vienna move, I realized that I want to still blog, but feel too constrained by the title and format of what I've created here (no surprise to those who've been following along in the past few weeks). So, I've been toying with the idea of creating a sister blog/alternate blog/blog in place of An American Girl and trying to think about what I would want to do with that. I've had major brain stall, though, and have been mentally frustrated about the whole thing. But this morning, on the treadmill, obviously today's place of power for me, the connections and ideas and thoughts started flowing. What a relief! What a great feeling!

An hour went by far too quickly. I think I may go back.

I am back from LA. I am still alive. And I will be writing again soon. Like, this weekend. I promise, I swear!

Permalink | Comments (1)

6 com

An assortment

...of goodies for you today. It's been a busy week of work and training and the quick flash of a cold that showed up Wednesday morning and was gone by Thursday (mostly, at least). Not a whole ton to share, but here are a few tidbits.

~ Training for my upcoming Figure Competition is going quite well and I’ve stepped up the focus and intensity of my workouts. I can see and actually feel my body changing; getting tighter, leaner, developing more defined muscles in places I never thought I’d have defined muscles. It’s pretty awesome! This week, I purchased the “posing suit” I have to wear (click here to see, if you dare!) and a pair of 5” clear plastic heels. Oh boy.
7 weeks to go!

~ My husband and I are headed to LA for the weekend. Yay! We’re going to a Figure Competition (of course) to see one of his client’s on stage. Oh yeah, she’s also going to be at my show, in my height class, in October, so, yes, that means I’m going along to scope out my competition! The bonus – family in LA to visit!

~ Speaking of family……waiting ever so patiently for news about my soon-to-be-born nephew who was officially due on August 10th. My sister and brother-in-law are waiting (maybe not so patiently) for him to make his appearance and my mom is with them, hoping he makes it during her visit.

~ I’m loving this month’s Glamour. I don't think I've mentioned here before, but I have ~~an unhealthy~~ a strange attraction to animal print fashion. Particularly leopard prints. I own a pair of slippers, ballet flats, sneakers, two coats, and a dress. Yes, all in some form or fashion of leopard print. I think my mom would like to disown me because of this, but there it is. I will fully accept and shout my love of leopard print from the top of my blog!

Ahem, anyway. Considering this obsession, it is no surprise that this month's Glamour cover attracted my attention in the grocery store check out line. I'm not a huge fan of Jennifer Lopez, but I love this whole shoot. It made me think of Ann Margaret immediately. Not exactly sure why, but I found a couple images of her, not so much in leopard as with a leopard. Funny.

Off to sunny Southern California in a few hours. Sadly, I have no leopard print clothing in my suitcase. How boring. I may need to reassess.

I hope you ALL have a lovely weekend. Until next week...

0 com

The world at my fingertips

I heard this on my local public radio station this morning....take a listen if you have a couple minutes (really - I think it clocks in at just about 2 minutes).

KQED Radio: The World in Your Pocket

What a delightful reminder and how grateful I am that I have this kind of access to, well, just about anything. Here I am, in California, "talking" to people from Vienna and all around the world every day, learning about a culture in a way that would not have been possible, maybe not even imagined, a few decades ago.

1 com

I just ironed my yoga pants.

I kid you not. Getting ready for yoga class, I noticed an unacceptable number of wrinkles in my stretchy workout pants. You didn't know that wrinkles were unacceptable in workout pants?

I stood there for a moment."Seriously, Carrie?" I asked myself. "Seriously? Ironing yoga pants. Don't you think that's a bit much?" And then I laughed because I felt something stir at my core. "Yup," I said to myself, "seriously." I am simply being me, despite the fun that others might poke at this little ritual (and by that, yes, I mean my husband). I'm just being me.

I had never consciously thought of it before, but as I stood at the ironing board, I realized that that I have an overwhelming desire to present myself as perfectly as I possibly can in all situations. Yes, even at the gym, in a yoga class. I blame (and love) my parents for instilling this ~~neuroses~~ trait in me.

Now, off to Downward Dog in my perfectly pressed pants. Namaste.

1 com

The international sound of relaxation?

I had a deep tissue massage last night. It was my first ever such experience and I won't lie - it was pretty painful. I knew that my shoulders and neck were in knots, but my feet? My calves? My quads? Wow.

The residual soreness is not bad at all today, but I had to "breathe through the pain" quite a bit during the massage. Well, my gal didn't use the word "pain," she liked to refer to it as "intense" or "hard." Hmm. Yes, intense, hard....and painful.

Anyway, while I was taking loooong, deeeeep breaths to get through the "intense" moments, I also tried to concentrate on the music to distract and relax myself. You know the music ~ the gentle, tinkly, slightly Eastern, somewhat nature inspired music that is the ubiquitous spa soundtrack.

Or do you?

I began to wonder if this same music is used worldwide to foster serenity and create a sense of calm? Is there truly an international soundtrack for relaxation? Or are there entirely different kinds of music used in other parts of the world to elicit the same state of being. If I were to get a massage in Vienna, would the background be familiar? Or will it be one of those unexpected differences?

The questions were a bit of a distraction for a few minutes at least. And then she moved on to a new body part.

2 com

Today's connection to Vienna

The dessert table at my friend's wedding

was inspired by a scene in Sofia Coppola's movie Marie Antoinette.

click HERE to watch the scene

Maria Antonia Josepha Johanna, who became known as Marie Antoinette when she moved to France and married Louis XVI, was originally from Austria.

She was the youngest daughter of Francis I, the Holy Roman Emperor, and Maria Theresa, Queen of Hungary and Bohemia and ruler of the Hapsburg dominions.

Madame Antoine, as she was known in the Austrian court, was born at the Hofburg Palace in Vienna in 1755

and spent much of her childhood at the royal family's summer palace, Schloss Schönbrunn, built at the outskirts of Vienna.

I visited both palaces when we were in Vienna earlier this year, but just wandered around the outsides. I'm saving the full tours for our return to the city.

3 com

A new day

I must have caught up on some sleep. I woke up when my alarm went off and didn't have to drag myself out of bed. I allowed myself a nice big morning stretch and now I'm at my kitchen table, watching the cats eat, checking email, catching up on blogs, and feeling good. Awake. Happy.

I am excited about the weekend. Yes, I do know it is only Thursday, but Friday looms large, in the best possible way. A dear friend gets married on Friday. Not only am I very happy for her and her husband-to-be and the fact that I will see another good friend from Boston who I haven't seen in a year, I am also shimmering with anticipation about the party itself. My soon-to-be-married friend is a designer of flowers and spaces and weddings with impeccable taste and an eye for detail. And she's planned a very San Francisco wedding.

Ceremony at San Francisco City Hall

(where I got married earlier this year - yay!)

Followed by cocktails and dancing at the Green Room of the San Francisco

War Memorial Veterans Building.

How grand, how cosmopolitan, how.....San Francisco.

And the celebration doesn't stop there. We'll be back in the city on Saturday for dinner and drinks in North Beach, the city's Italian Section. I lived in North Beach upon my arrival in California in the mid-90s; it was my introduction to the city and it always feels special to me for that reason.

Drinks at Tosca Cafe

A San Francisco institution since 1917 with a classy, old-school atmosphere that promises to transport us back to the days of Frank Sinatra and the Rat Pack

I've lived here for 15 years and never been. An Evening at Tosca Cafe has been at the top of my To Do Before I Move To Vienna List since we decided to move, so I am very excited. And grateful to my friend. What a wonderful way to celebrate her, her future, and enjoy this incredible city where we met and became friends.

By the way - if I had decided to plan a full-on wedding, reception, weekend, this is very likely EXACTLY what I would have wanted. Now, I just have to find the perfect outfit.

Photo credit: Anemone Jones

6 com

What's my point exactly?

Hello Dear Readers, are you still there?

I understand if you have gotten bored or moved on thanks to my anemic posting lately, but I do hope this is not so. Please bear with me as I figure out my schedule (so I can actually sit down and write when I'm awake and alert and motivated) and my point. Yes, my point.

You see, since the Vienna move isn't right around the corner any longer (it could be 6 months, it could be a year, could be anywhere in between or even longer), it feels odd to try to write about IT all the time and it's a challenge to come up with some tie to IT for every post because, well, IT isn't on my mind every day any longer, at least not in the same way or with the same sense of urgency.

I do write at times about things non-Vienna, things that are more...well, things that are just about me. But I struggle with whether that is enough. That wasn't my point when I started blogging, but I may be moving in that direction. Blogs should have a point, a point of view, a purpose. Or so I've read. I want to have a point of view and I think I do, I can, I will. I've just lost sight of it for the moment.

Will you forgive my ramblings and detours, and stick with me as I rediscover my point? If you'll hang in there, I promise to get over myself and my inflated concern and actually write, not worry about whether I'm writing about the right thing.

Perhaps it'll be more interesting.....who knows?!?!?

2 com

I Miss Florida

Huh?

It's true. I miss Florida. Not that I miss the chain restaurants, strip malls, too-short shorts, dark tans, and fake breasts that dominate the landscape, but I do very much miss the no alarm clock, no schedule, lounging, eating, beach, sun, pool, and time with friends that we enjoyed last week. Perhaps instead of saying that I miss Florida, I should just say that I miss vacation.

It was only four short days. You wouldn't think I'd have acclimated to a new schedule, or lack thereof, so quickly. I didn't think that was even possible. Me without a schedule is like.....well, pick something that seems impossible to you, and that's it. But I've been home for four days now and, quite frankly, I have not been keen on picking up where I left off. Getting up in the morning is hard, work is a chore, going to the gym after work has been incredibly difficult to force upon myself. And writing, well, as you can see, there hasn't been much of that going on.

Alas, I made it to the weekend. I made it through the three oh-so-difficult days of work (I jest. The work itself hasn't been that difficult, just having to be there was the hard part). Today, I didn't have to wake up to an alarm clock, I don't have to go to work, I don't actually HAVE TO do anything. And, yet, precisely because I don't feel obligated, today is the day I woke up early. I have already gone to a yoga class, am doing laundry, cleaning, and will get to the gym in a few hours to do my cardio intervals. On top of all that, here I am, writing.

It's not the work, the doing, the having things to do. I'd be lost without a goal, a purpose, a list of tasks to complete. But I am pretty tired of having a set schedule, as in a Monday-Friday, 8:00-5:00 schedule, and a job I am only so-so about. I want to do what I want to do, when I want to do it. Ideal? Unrealistic? Vacation stuck on the brain? Not really. My husband does it. Many of the people I met in Florida do so - consulting, contracting, working from home or setting their own schedule with clients. I have the security of a regular paycheck every two weeks and knowing exactly how much money is going to be in that paycheck. They have freedom. I'm grateful for the paycheck, jealous of the freedom.

If I am to be completely honest, though, this is how I would like my life to be in Vienna. I don't want to move there and find myself in a job, Monday through Friday, 8:00 - 5:00. I want to have a flexible schedule, the freedom to move about as I wish, when I wish and really experience the city, the country, other countries. And, no, I am not independently wealthy (darn). So, how to make it a reality?

These are the things that are running through my post-Florida, post-vacation, pre-Vienna mind.

Fun & Sun, Jacksonville Beach, Florida, July 2010

2 com

Places I'm Going

Tonight, I board a jet plane and head to....Jacksonville, Florida.

That's right. Jacksonville. Florida. In mid-July. I know you're jealous. Friends are getting married on Saturday (trust me, nothing less than the wedding of good friends would get us to ~~hot~~ ~~sticky~~ schwül* Florida at this time of year), so off we go.

*Schwül is the German word for humid, which we learned on our trip to Vienna, because, well, it was a little schwül while we were there. We were cautioned, however, by several people to be very careful about our pronunciation. That one little umlaut can change the whole meaning of one's sentence because schwül = humid, but schwul = gay/homosexual.

I've never been to Jacksonville, so I looked it up.

Jacksonville, Florida is home to the largest urban park system in the U.S., the 2nd largest annual Jazz Festival (I'm assuming New Orleans is the largest), the world's largest private collection of original manuscripts and documents (at the Karpeles Manuscript Library), the Jaguars (for football fans) and the New Jax City Rollers (if you're into roller derby). I doubt I'll see any of these things, but I think it's nice to know.

I've got my tank tops, shorts, sundresses, bathing suit and flip flops packed and, of course, my workout clothes because "training doesn't take a vacation," according to my lovely coach/husband. At least it'll be easier to negotiate a day pass at the gym here (in English) than it was in Vienna (in German). Although, I must admit, I did pretty well at the gyms in Vienna and felt quite rewarded when I was understood! Wie viel kostet ein Tagespass?

It's just a few days but it feels like a nice vacation and I have all the pre-vacation anticipation and lack of focus. Just have to make it through work today.

No computer until mid-next-week, so I wish you now a lovely few days. Be Back Soon!

3 com

Places I've Been

2% - seems so sad!

One of the many reasons my husband and I want to move to Europe, and to Vienna, specifically, is that we see it as a launching pad of sorts. A home that provides close proximity and easy travel to so many other countries. A way for us to not only experience life in a new place, but life in many new places.

Vienna seems quite central, offering exploration opportunities East, West, North, and South by car, by train, by plane, at reasonable travel rates. All evidence I've seen in reading people's blogs and stories we've heard from people we've actually met indicate that people do actually take advantage of their location. I hear and read about travels to France and Spain, Kosovo and Sweden, Germany, Italy, Turkey!

This stirs in me such a sense of possibility and curiosity, which is, I admit, not an expected response from me. But it is there, nonetheless, surprising no one more than me. I am more of a homebody, not an adventurer. I like the familiar, the expected, the planned. So, is it wishful thinking that I'll experience the world from Vienna or does this curiosity indicate that I find the world as a whole, or even just Europe, more interesting than I find the United States?

1 com

Riots & Spies

IN TODAY'S NEWS:

Oakland, California (where I currently live), RIOTS over a verdict given to a white former transit police officer for the shooting death of an African-American man.

After dark, mobs form, smash windows, loot

Vienna, Austria (where I plan to live someday), Russian and American SPIES traded on the tarmac at Vienna International Airport.

Prisoner Swap in Vienna Ends U.S.-Russia Espionage Case

~ Both sound like they could be newspaper headlines from decades ago.

~ There may also be a novel, a thriller, a story in here somewhere.

~ Times change, and yet they don't seem to change so much after all.

Blogs I Like

Places I've Been