An American Girl

Auf Wiedersehen, for now.

2010-10-16T05:51:00.000-07:00

I've made the decision. I'm moving in a new direction and starting a brand-spanking-new site.

I've been struggling with the decision for weeks. Not the decision to start a new site, that I've been sure of for awhile. Sure, I can make An American Girl more general and less Vienna-focused all the time, but the truth is that I can't send this blog out far and wide because there are many people who don't know, who I don't want to know, about Vienna yet. So, I can't post this on Facebook or send out without worrying about who's going to find it.

I have been struggling with the decision about what to do with An American Girl. I thought maybe that I could just have two blogs. Yea. That's not going to happen. Then I thought that I should at least keep this going while getting the other up and running. Unfortunately, I began to feel so overwhelmed and a little guilty about the whole thing that I wasn't working on either!

Just the other day I thought, you know what, this is supposed to be FUN. Not a burden. And in that moment I knew. An American Girl is going to take a break for awhile, at least from this blog. This is not to say that I won't bring it back when we get closer to our move to Vienna. I might just do that. But in the meantime, I'm taking a different approach.

I can't share the site details with you yet, but if you check back in a couple weeks or so, I'll post the link. And for those of you with whom I've connected via your blogs, I'll send along the new site as soon as I can. For those of you who simply pop by to read An American Girl every now and again, I thank you ever so much for following along and do hope I can bring you along to my new virtual playland when the time comes.

Danke shoen & Auf Wiedersehen
Caroline
An American Girl

The results are in....

2010-10-04T20:41:00.000-07:00

and I took home two 3rd place trophies, which ain't so bad.

I was a little disappointed in my placing (I could have sworn I had 2nd locked in), but I am not at all disappointed in how I looked or presented myself. I actually did quite well on stage and was told I seemed a natural with the stage presence and all. So, I've decided to be happy with third and use the frustration and energy to do better next time.

More later in the week, as I begin to come back to life and get back to a schedule, but I promised you photos, so here ya go!

A lifelong obsession

2010-09-30T17:58:00.000-07:00

Apparently, I've had a thing for fancy shoes and big shades from a very early age. Aren't these great! My mom sent them to me this afternoon, photos of little me that I had never seen. And it appears I get my sense of style from her - who else's closet and purse would I have been raiding so young?

My big competition is just 2 days away. The training is done, I have tomorrow off work to take care of last minute appointments (hello, spray tan!) and a bit more posing practice, and I find myself with a little bit of downtime at home this evening. A luxury these days.

I've pushed myself in so many ways these past couple months, physically and mentally, and while I might not be able to technically say that I've loved every minute of it, I kind of have loved every minute of it.

Physically, I'm in near-peak condition. I honestly didn't believe I'd ever get my legs to look like they do today. Ever. I'm as healthy and as fit as I've ever been in my life. While I may not want to walk around quite this lean and muscled every day, I now see just what I can do with my body (what we can all do with our bodies), with the right knowledge, discipline, and determination.

Mentally, I've surpassed the level of discipline and determination I knew I had. I've always been pretty focused when I wanted to be, but this took EVEN MORE!

And I'm pushing my boundaries, my personal comfort levels. Being in the gym, training, I'm comfortable with that. Showing it off in the way I must on Saturday, that's a stretch for me. And putting myself in the position of being judged like that, officially, also a stretch.

As of this moment, the excitement has surpassed the nerves. I anticipate they'll return in force in the next 48 hours, but I think I've got the wherewithal to get through them.

I'll let you know how it goes!

I've been busy

2010-09-17T06:14:00.000-07:00

I haven't been ignoring y'all for no reason. Seems my world, my life, my....well, everything, is about my upcoming competition. 2 weeks from tomorrow. gulp. Things are looking good. I like my back. I like my arms. I like my abs. Still working on that lower half.

Here's a peek at where I am two weeks out. Not my fave photos or poses, but I'm using this is a way to keep myself honest and on track - keep myself working toward the goal. I don't have my fancy suit yet, but I do have the shoes!

And definitely still working on my posing. I had a lesson last Friday in How To Walk. Think model walk. Swish the hips, roll the shoulders, look natural but command attention while simultaneously flexing the legs with each step, keeping the abs tight, smile, but not in a too-fake-way. Um, I'm quite certain there was more to it, but I'm at a loss at the moment.

I'm also experimenting with fake tans so I can be browner than a berry in two weeks. The first is just about worn off. It was not the exact color I was hoping for, so back to another salon with a different solution this weekend for another try.

Life = Risk

2010-09-10T07:33:00.000-07:00

I needed this today......

A bouquet of sharpened pencils

2010-09-08T06:33:00.000-07:00

All over Facebook, I'm seeing statuses and comments about my friends' children going "Back to School." I don't necessarily wish I was a mother sending her child back to school, but I am feeling an overwhelming desire to go Back to School myself. Oh, I don't have an actual desire to go Back to School, but I do long for a new season, a new start, the feeling of fall, which still, all these years later, goes hand-in-hand with the idea of Back to School.

One of my guilty pleasures is the movie "You've Got Mail" with Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks. And one of my favorite lines within is:

“Don’t you love New York in the fall? It makes me wanna buy school supplies. I would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if I knew your name and address..”

Ah, that's how I feel today. It is finally below 90 degrees here in California, I felt a bit of crispness in the air yesterday, and I long for cardigans and tights and a new pencil case in which to keep my new pencils.

Yes/No. All/None. Go/Stay.

2010-09-02T06:13:00.000-07:00

I said to my husband the other day that I don't think of Vienna all that much these days. We don't have a strict timeline, I don't have anything hanging over my head that I have to think about/do/accomplish with regard to Vienna, I'm distracted with other things in my life, he's been out of town so we haven't talked much about it. So *poof* there it goes.

He, on the other hand, said he thinks about it all the time. He's trying to get a business off the ground and our moving to Vienna depends quite a bit on his ability to do so, so he is constantly thinking that he's not working hard enough, fast enough to get us there.

I wanted to tell him, "it's okay, take your time." I don't feel a sense of urgency at the moment and I don't want him to stress. But I stopped short of doing so. I was afraid he'd think that meant I was ambivalent, that I no longer want to go. And for a moment I start the protest in my head, "No, of course I still want to go. I'd go tomorrow if we could." But thou might protest too much.

I do still want to go to Vienna. I can say that in all honesty. But sometimes I feel like I want to stay here. And that is just as honest a statement.

My tendency is toward extremes. Yes/No. Black/White. All/None. I don't do to well with the middle area, the squishy ~ um, maybe, I feel two ways about one thing ~ kind of place. If I say yes to something, I have to make myself believe that yes is the only answer and I will do all I can to push out any other thoughts. If I start to have conflicting thoughts, then I assume that I was wrong, that I don't want whatever it is after all and I either have to suck it up and go along with it because I said I would or I have to completely pull the plug.

And that is where I find myself today, caught in the middle, one day wanting to move to Vienna, remembering what it was like to be there and missing it, eager to take on the challenge of an ex-pat life. Other days, I feel so comfortable in my own space that I want to stay. And still other days I feel dissatisfied with where I currently am but not wanting to make quite that big of a change.

None of this means that I don't want to move, that we won't move, that the plans will be tossed out the window. Right? I'm pretty sure it just means that I'm allowing myself to experience all that goes along with such a decision. This is huge for me. And, on top of that, to openly admit to others that maybe I don't have it all together inside. That's even bigger.

the treadmill : today's "place to be"

2010-08-22T15:47:00.000-07:00

It's Sunday and Sunday is pretty much a non-training day for me. My Sunday "workout" is to go for a walk of at least 1 hour in length. Not bad, eh! Usually, I take advantage of this "easy" day and take a Sunday stroll around the neighborhood, I wander rather leisurely, I make phone calls while I'm strolling and catch up with family and friends.

Just didn't seem like enough this morning, though. I woke up feeling not so great in my little noggin. Nothing terrible or earth shattering, but just one of those unmotivated, uninspired mornings. I had a good cup of coffee and tried writing in my journal. eh. Tried writing a blog post. eh. Perfect time for my Sunday walk - get the blood flowing, clear my head. I started to get ready for my stroll, but was still feeling, eh. As strange as it may sound, what with all the dang training I'm doing, I actually felt unfit this morning. A little full, flabby (what did I eat yesterday, sheesh) and, well, I guess I was just a bit down. Somehow a leisurely Sunday stroll through the neighborhood just didn't seem serious enough.

So, off to the gym I went to spend an hour on the treadmill. Walking, mind you - not running, not biking, just walking. Egads, I thought, this is going to be boring. B.O.R.I.N.G. Well, boring though it may be, I though, I needed the intensity of the machine, I needed it to be an intentional workout, so I went.

I was wrong. I was wrong, wrong, wrong. Boring? Nope. Quite the contrary. With no distractions, no phone calls, no yards to peek in, my little noggin started whizzing, zinging, having thoughts, making connections. My head turned upside down, blah to yea! Inspiration and ideas for a new project I'm thinking about appeared seemingly out of nowhere. Since our decision to be more flexible on the Vienna move, I realized that I want to still blog, but feel too constrained by the title and format of what I've created here (no surprise to those who've been following along in the past few weeks). So, I've been toying with the idea of creating a sister blog/alternate blog/blog in place of An American Girl and trying to think about what I would want to do with that. I've had major brain stall, though, and have been mentally frustrated about the whole thing. But this morning, on the treadmill, obviously today's place of power for me, the connections and ideas and thoughts started flowing. What a relief! What a great feeling!

An hour went by far too quickly. I think I may go back.

Good morning

2010-08-20T05:23:00.000-07:00

I am back from LA. I am still alive. And I will be writing again soon. Like, this weekend. I promise, I swear!

An assortment

2010-08-13T12:30:00.000-07:00

...of goodies for you today. It's been a busy week of work and training and the quick flash of a cold that showed up Wednesday morning and was gone by Thursday (mostly, at least). Not a whole ton to share, but here are a few tidbits.

~ Training for my upcoming Figure Competition is going quite well and I’ve stepped up the focus and intensity of my workouts. I can see and actually feel my body changing; getting tighter, leaner, developing more defined muscles in places I never thought I’d have defined muscles. It’s pretty awesome! This week, I purchased the “posing suit” I have to wear (click here to see, if you dare!) and a pair of 5” clear plastic heels. Oh boy.
7 weeks to go!

~ My husband and I are headed to LA for the weekend. Yay! We’re going to a Figure Competition (of course) to see one of his client’s on stage. Oh yeah, she’s also going to be at my show, in my height class, in October, so, yes, that means I’m going along to scope out my competition! The bonus – family in LA to visit!

~ Speaking of family……waiting ever so patiently for news about my soon-to-be-born nephew who was officially due on August 10th. My sister and brother-in-law are waiting (maybe not so patiently) for him to make his appearance and my mom is with them, hoping he makes it during her visit.

~ I’m loving this month’s Glamour. I don't think I've mentioned here before, but I have ~~an unhealthy~~ a strange attraction to animal print fashion. Particularly leopard prints. I own a pair of slippers, ballet flats, sneakers, two coats, and a dress. Yes, all in some form or fashion of leopard print. I think my mom would like to disown me because of this, but there it is. I will fully accept and shout my love of leopard print from the top of my blog!

Ahem, anyway. Considering this obsession, it is no surprise that this month's Glamour cover attracted my attention in the grocery store check out line. I'm not a huge fan of Jennifer Lopez, but I love this whole shoot. It made me think of Ann Margaret immediately. Not exactly sure why, but I found a couple images of her, not so much in leopard as with a leopard. Funny.

Off to sunny Southern California in a few hours. Sadly, I have no leopard print clothing in my suitcase. How boring. I may need to reassess.

I hope you ALL have a lovely weekend. Until next week...

The world at my fingertips

2010-08-09T18:09:00.000-07:00

I heard this on my local public radio station this morning....take a listen if you have a couple minutes (really - I think it clocks in at just about 2 minutes).

KQED Radio: The World in Your Pocket

What a delightful reminder and how grateful I am that I have this kind of access to, well, just about anything. Here I am, in California, "talking" to people from Vienna and all around the world every day, learning about a culture in a way that would not have been possible, maybe not even imagined, a few decades ago.

I just ironed my yoga pants.

2010-08-07T07:44:00.000-07:00

I kid you not. Getting ready for yoga class, I noticed an unacceptable number of wrinkles in my stretchy workout pants. You didn't know that wrinkles were unacceptable in workout pants?

I stood there for a moment."Seriously, Carrie?" I asked myself. "Seriously? Ironing yoga pants. Don't you think that's a bit much?" And then I laughed because I felt something stir at my core. "Yup," I said to myself, "seriously." I am simply being me, despite the fun that others might poke at this little ritual (and by that, yes, I mean my husband). I'm just being me.

I had never consciously thought of it before, but as I stood at the ironing board, I realized that that I have an overwhelming desire to present myself as perfectly as I possibly can in all situations. Yes, even at the gym, in a yoga class. I blame (and love) my parents for instilling this ~~neuroses~~ trait in me.

Now, off to Downward Dog in my perfectly pressed pants. Namaste.

The international sound of relaxation?

2010-08-03T06:07:00.000-07:00

I had a deep tissue massage last night. It was my first ever such experience and I won't lie - it was pretty painful. I knew that my shoulders and neck were in knots, but my feet? My calves? My quads? Wow.

The residual soreness is not bad at all today, but I had to "breathe through the pain" quite a bit during the massage. Well, my gal didn't use the word "pain," she liked to refer to it as "intense" or "hard." Hmm. Yes, intense, hard....and painful.

Anyway, while I was taking loooong, deeeeep breaths to get through the "intense" moments, I also tried to concentrate on the music to distract and relax myself. You know the music ~ the gentle, tinkly, slightly Eastern, somewhat nature inspired music that is the ubiquitous spa soundtrack.

Or do you?

I began to wonder if this same music is used worldwide to foster serenity and create a sense of calm? Is there truly an international soundtrack for relaxation? Or are there entirely different kinds of music used in other parts of the world to elicit the same state of being. If I were to get a massage in Vienna, would the background be familiar? Or will it be one of those unexpected differences?

The questions were a bit of a distraction for a few minutes at least. And then she moved on to a new body part.

Today's connection to Vienna

2010-08-01T15:28:00.000-07:00

The dessert table at my friend's wedding

was inspired by a scene in Sofia Coppola's movie Marie Antoinette.

click HERE to watch the scene

Maria Antonia Josepha Johanna, who became known as Marie Antoinette when she moved to France and married Louis XVI, was originally from Austria.

She was the youngest daughter of Francis I, the Holy Roman Emperor, and Maria Theresa, Queen of Hungary and Bohemia and ruler of the Hapsburg dominions.

Madame Antoine, as she was known in the Austrian court, was born at the Hofburg Palace in Vienna in 1755

and spent much of her childhood at the royal family's summer palace, Schloss Schönbrunn, built at the outskirts of Vienna.

I visited both palaces when we were in Vienna earlier this year, but just wandered around the outsides. I'm saving the full tours for our return to the city.

A new day

2010-07-29T06:23:00.000-07:00

I must have caught up on some sleep. I woke up when my alarm went off and didn't have to drag myself out of bed. I allowed myself a nice big morning stretch and now I'm at my kitchen table, watching the cats eat, checking email, catching up on blogs, and feeling good. Awake. Happy.

I am excited about the weekend. Yes, I do know it is only Thursday, but Friday looms large, in the best possible way. A dear friend gets married on Friday. Not only am I very happy for her and her husband-to-be and the fact that I will see another good friend from Boston who I haven't seen in a year, I am also shimmering with anticipation about the party itself. My soon-to-be-married friend is a designer of flowers and spaces and weddings with impeccable taste and an eye for detail. And she's planned a very San Francisco wedding.

Ceremony at San Francisco City Hall

(where I got married earlier this year - yay!)

Followed by cocktails and dancing at the Green Room of the San Francisco

War Memorial Veterans Building.

How grand, how cosmopolitan, how.....San Francisco.

And the celebration doesn't stop there. We'll be back in the city on Saturday for dinner and drinks in North Beach, the city's Italian Section. I lived in North Beach upon my arrival in California in the mid-90s; it was my introduction to the city and it always feels special to me for that reason.

Drinks at Tosca Cafe

A San Francisco institution since 1917 with a classy, old-school atmosphere that promises to transport us back to the days of Frank Sinatra and the Rat Pack

I've lived here for 15 years and never been. An Evening at Tosca Cafe has been at the top of my To Do Before I Move To Vienna List since we decided to move, so I am very excited. And grateful to my friend. What a wonderful way to celebrate her, her future, and enjoy this incredible city where we met and became friends.

By the way - if I had decided to plan a full-on wedding, reception, weekend, this is very likely EXACTLY what I would have wanted. Now, I just have to find the perfect outfit.

Photo credit: Anemone Jones

What's my point exactly?

2010-07-28T05:31:00.000-07:00

Hello Dear Readers, are you still there?

I understand if you have gotten bored or moved on thanks to my anemic posting lately, but I do hope this is not so. Please bear with me as I figure out my schedule (so I can actually sit down and write when I'm awake and alert and motivated) and my point. Yes, my point.

You see, since the Vienna move isn't right around the corner any longer (it could be 6 months, it could be a year, could be anywhere in between or even longer), it feels odd to try to write about IT all the time and it's a challenge to come up with some tie to IT for every post because, well, IT isn't on my mind every day any longer, at least not in the same way or with the same sense of urgency.

I do write at times about things non-Vienna, things that are more...well, things that are just about me. But I struggle with whether that is enough. That wasn't my point when I started blogging, but I may be moving in that direction. Blogs should have a point, a point of view, a purpose. Or so I've read. I want to have a point of view and I think I do, I can, I will. I've just lost sight of it for the moment.

Will you forgive my ramblings and detours, and stick with me as I rediscover my point? If you'll hang in there, I promise to get over myself and my inflated concern and actually write, not worry about whether I'm writing about the right thing.

Perhaps it'll be more interesting.....who knows?!?!?

I Miss Florida

2010-07-24T12:10:00.001-07:00

Huh?

It's true. I miss Florida. Not that I miss the chain restaurants, strip malls, too-short shorts, dark tans, and fake breasts that dominate the landscape, but I do very much miss the no alarm clock, no schedule, lounging, eating, beach, sun, pool, and time with friends that we enjoyed last week. Perhaps instead of saying that I miss Florida, I should just say that I miss vacation.

It was only four short days. You wouldn't think I'd have acclimated to a new schedule, or lack thereof, so quickly. I didn't think that was even possible. Me without a schedule is like.....well, pick something that seems impossible to you, and that's it. But I've been home for four days now and, quite frankly, I have not been keen on picking up where I left off. Getting up in the morning is hard, work is a chore, going to the gym after work has been incredibly difficult to force upon myself. And writing, well, as you can see, there hasn't been much of that going on.

Alas, I made it to the weekend. I made it through the three oh-so-difficult days of work (I jest. The work itself hasn't been that difficult, just having to be there was the hard part). Today, I didn't have to wake up to an alarm clock, I don't have to go to work, I don't actually HAVE TO do anything. And, yet, precisely because I don't feel obligated, today is the day I woke up early. I have already gone to a yoga class, am doing laundry, cleaning, and will get to the gym in a few hours to do my cardio intervals. On top of all that, here I am, writing.

It's not the work, the doing, the having things to do. I'd be lost without a goal, a purpose, a list of tasks to complete. But I am pretty tired of having a set schedule, as in a Monday-Friday, 8:00-5:00 schedule, and a job I am only so-so about. I want to do what I want to do, when I want to do it. Ideal? Unrealistic? Vacation stuck on the brain? Not really. My husband does it. Many of the people I met in Florida do so - consulting, contracting, working from home or setting their own schedule with clients. I have the security of a regular paycheck every two weeks and knowing exactly how much money is going to be in that paycheck. They have freedom. I'm grateful for the paycheck, jealous of the freedom.

If I am to be completely honest, though, this is how I would like my life to be in Vienna. I don't want to move there and find myself in a job, Monday through Friday, 8:00 - 5:00. I want to have a flexible schedule, the freedom to move about as I wish, when I wish and really experience the city, the country, other countries. And, no, I am not independently wealthy (darn). So, how to make it a reality?

These are the things that are running through my post-Florida, post-vacation, pre-Vienna mind.

Fun & Sun, Jacksonville Beach, Florida, July 2010

Places I'm Going

2010-07-15T06:26:00.000-07:00

Tonight, I board a jet plane and head to....Jacksonville, Florida.

That's right. Jacksonville. Florida. In mid-July. I know you're jealous. Friends are getting married on Saturday (trust me, nothing less than the wedding of good friends would get us to ~~hot~~ ~~sticky~~ schwül* Florida at this time of year), so off we go.

*Schwül is the German word for humid, which we learned on our trip to Vienna, because, well, it was a little schwül while we were there. We were cautioned, however, by several people to be very careful about our pronunciation. That one little umlaut can change the whole meaning of one's sentence because schwül = humid, but schwul = gay/homosexual.

I've never been to Jacksonville, so I looked it up.

Jacksonville, Florida is home to the largest urban park system in the U.S., the 2nd largest annual Jazz Festival (I'm assuming New Orleans is the largest), the world's largest private collection of original manuscripts and documents (at the Karpeles Manuscript Library), the Jaguars (for football fans) and the New Jax City Rollers (if you're into roller derby). I doubt I'll see any of these things, but I think it's nice to know.

I've got my tank tops, shorts, sundresses, bathing suit and flip flops packed and, of course, my workout clothes because "training doesn't take a vacation," according to my lovely coach/husband. At least it'll be easier to negotiate a day pass at the gym here (in English) than it was in Vienna (in German). Although, I must admit, I did pretty well at the gyms in Vienna and felt quite rewarded when I was understood! Wie viel kostet ein Tagespass?

It's just a few days but it feels like a nice vacation and I have all the pre-vacation anticipation and lack of focus. Just have to make it through work today.

No computer until mid-next-week, so I wish you now a lovely few days. Be Back Soon!

Places I've Been

2010-07-12T05:32:00.000-07:00

2% - seems so sad!

One of the many reasons my husband and I want to move to Europe, and to Vienna, specifically, is that we see it as a launching pad of sorts. A home that provides close proximity and easy travel to so many other countries. A way for us to not only experience life in a new place, but life in many new places.

Vienna seems quite central, offering exploration opportunities East, West, North, and South by car, by train, by plane, at reasonable travel rates. All evidence I've seen in reading people's blogs and stories we've heard from people we've actually met indicate that people do actually take advantage of their location. I hear and read about travels to France and Spain, Kosovo and Sweden, Germany, Italy, Turkey!

This stirs in me such a sense of possibility and curiosity, which is, I admit, not an expected response from me. But it is there, nonetheless, surprising no one more than me. I am more of a homebody, not an adventurer. I like the familiar, the expected, the planned. So, is it wishful thinking that I'll experience the world from Vienna or does this curiosity indicate that I find the world as a whole, or even just Europe, more interesting than I find the United States?

Riots & Spies

2010-07-09T08:54:00.000-07:00

IN TODAY'S NEWS:

Oakland, California (where I currently live), RIOTS over a verdict given to a white former transit police officer for the shooting death of an African-American man.

After dark, mobs form, smash windows, loot

Vienna, Austria (where I plan to live someday), Russian and American SPIES traded on the tarmac at Vienna International Airport.

Prisoner Swap in Vienna Ends U.S.-Russia Espionage Case

~ Both sound like they could be newspaper headlines from decades ago.

~ There may also be a novel, a thriller, a story in here somewhere.

~ Times change, and yet they don't seem to change so much after all.

A little something more about me

2010-07-08T05:48:00.000-07:00

On Monday, I may dress like this...

And Tuesday, like this...

And on both days, I'll feel completely, utterly, 100 % like myself.

This month's Vogue (July 2010) blew me away ~ with the Magnificent Obsession (featuring Ewan McGregor and Natalia Vodianova, photographed by Peter Lindbergh) and an absolutely jaw-dropping, breathtaking, couldn't-stop-staring photo spread of Marion Cotillard (photographed by Mario Testino). I think she may be the most beautiful woman in film today.

All images from Vogue, July 2010

The Long Weekend

2010-07-06T06:03:00.000-07:00

I took an unexpected, unplanned break from the old computer this long, holiday weekend. We didn't travel, didn't spend all our days at the beach or at BBQs, but I did unplug just a bit. I'll admit to logging on for a few minutes every now and again, but for the most part, I stayed offline. I didn't do this intentionally, didn't plan an offline weekend, didn't have to force myself and fight against an urge to connect. It was natural, it was something that just happened, and that makes it all the better!

So, what did I do for the past 3 days?

* Went to bed early and slept late
* Lounged on the couch
* Got through my stack of unread magazines (mostly just looked at the pictures, but still)
* Read Pride & Prejudice (didn't get too far because of my tendency to...)
* Nap
* Bought an actual Sunday newspaper and enjoyed with a cup of coffee

I also...

* Went to a fabulous museum exhibit, Birth of Impressionism at the DeYoung Museum in San Francisco, and saw paintings by Degas, Renoir, Manet, Monet, Cezanne. I learned about a Belgian painter from that period, Alfred Stevens, and was quite taken with his painting, The Bath. I went with a friend I hadn't seen in a few months, who has a new baby boy, and we caught up and talked about life and art, had a leisurely lunch at the museum cafe, and I got to visit her new house and meet her darling baby boy.

Here are my favorites from the show...

Degas, Dance Class

Manet, The Fifer Renoir, The Swing

Stevens, The Bath

* Went to a 4th of July BBQ/Baby Shower with my husband for his hairstylist. It was a little odd that we were invited and we didn't know anyone but her, but it turned out to be just fine. We can both be such non-social people, I'm surprised we didn't actually get all the way there, do a drive-by and decide not to get out of the car! But we actually went in - heck, I wore my special red, white & blue shirt for the occasion, which I only pull out once a year, so it had to be done - and enjoyed ourselves for an hour or so on Sunday. We met a lovely couple, the husband was another hair client of her's, and had good conversation and some good food.

* Watched lots of movies. All About Steve (better than I expected), How to Marry a Millionaire (not as good as I expected, actually I was rather annoyed by it and didn't finish), The Last Airbender (not good at all, but it did start me on the animated series, which is...and I realized I kind of have a thing for Dev Patel) and The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (also better than I expected).

* Did all my scheduled workouts and officially registered for the 2010 NPC Figure Competition in San Francisco on October 2. I have 3 months to get in tip-top, kick-ass shape! I had to measure my height and weight for the registration and realized that although I've been saying for years that I'm 5'7" and thinking it was just a slight exaggeration, I'm actually closer to 5'6" than 5'7". Much closer. And this is distressing to me for some reason. I fancy myself tall. Now, I don't feel so tall! Silly what 3/4" can do.

Alrighty then, now that we're all caught up....I hope you all had a lovely weekend yourself. It's back to the routine now after a few lovely, leisurely days. Off to work I go.

Austen, it's (finally) your time

2010-07-02T06:34:00.000-07:00

I have a confession to make. I have never read a Jane Austen novel. I've seen the movies, know the stories, but, with my head hung in shame, I must finally come clean and admit that I've never actually read any Austen.

I feel like a traitor to my sex and my profession!

I haven't been able to get into any of the books I've brought home in the last few days, so I've decided to rectify the situation.

With which Austen novel do I start? Pride & Prejudice? Sense & Sensibility? Emma? Northanger Abbey? I'm leaning toward Emma. What do you think?

2010-06-30T04:46:00.002-07:00

GUEST BLOGGER TODAY: It's a sort-of round robin guest blogging day thanks to Bloggerstock and everyone is writing "The Story of What's on Your Desk." Please enjoy the following post from Lindsay at Undomestic Chica ~ and be sure to check out her blog! If you want to read my post, you'll find it today on the blog, Just Jennifer. ENJOY! And, thank you, Lindsay!

The Story of What's on My Desk ~ Undomestic Chica

2010-06-30T04:46:00.000-07:00

Hey! I'm Lindsay over at Undomestic Chica. I decide to participate in Bloggerstock this month but little did I know how embarrassed I would be by the posting topic. See, Bloggerstock chose "The Story of What's on Your Desk" and my desk is a mess! I work in the Promotion Department of a radio station so things are constantly coming onto and off of my desk. Currently, I have about a million pens, one camera, a stack of event sheets that tell my employees the detiails of the events they're working, an (unpopped) bag of popocorn, water bottle, tickets to a recently cancelled concert, and a bunch of promotional items on my desk. All this is in addition to the normal stuff you'd find one someone's desk like a cell phone, keyboard, phone, stapler, etc.

I'd like to tell you the story of one particular item though. For those of you who have actually read my blog, you might have heard this before....Back in February of '09, Boyfriend and I were spending our first Valentine's Day together. I HATE Valentine's Day. Ever since Jr High I thought it was too much stress, too much pressure to show someone how you feel about them when you should take every day to do so. I've always preferred to spend quality time with my boyfriend's rather than get/give gifts, so for our first Valentine's Day together, Boyfriend and I chose to go to the aquarium.

Our aquarium is really cool because they have this big doughnut-shaped-thing where part of the doughnut is under ground and the part you can see is constantly sucking jellyfish through it. Ever since seeing the movie 7 Pounds a few weeks before, I had been obsessed with jellyfish. I stood in the doughnut for a long time watching the graceful jellyfish travel through the doughnut right at eye level.

Fast forward to December of '09, Boyfriend and I had our one year anniversary and then two weeks later we broke up. I had given him this jellyfish paperweight for our anniversary and he loved it. And I loved it too. I don't believe in taking gifts back after a break-up so I didn't, but I wanted one so bad. Imagine my surprise when Boyfriend and I got back together and he gave my not one, but two jellyfish paperweights from the aquarium! He gave a me a pink one to match my bedroom and then surprised me about a week later at work with one for my desk.

When we got back together, he told my that day at the aquarium is one of the best memories he has of the two of us, and he always looked at his paperweight on his dresser with sadness - he knew he needed to get me back. So that's my favorite item on my desk, the jellyfish paperweight from Boyfriend. Not only does it remind me of what has become one of my favorite animals, but also of the fun times Boyfriend and I always have together. So there may be a ton of items on my desk everyday, but my jellyfish is definitely my favorite :)

2010-06-28T06:15:00.000-07:00

BONUS POST: This is a picture of me and my sister, Cat. She is one of my two most favorite sisters in the world and today is her birthday!

Happy Birthday, Cat! Ich liebe dich!!!

6 Down, 6 (7...8...9) to Go

2010-06-28T06:07:00.000-07:00

I can hardly believe the year is half over. I can hardly believe I've been saying "We're moving to Vienna!" for 6 months now! I can hardly believe we'll actually be there in 6 months.

Well, that last statement may not actually be true. It may be, but then again, it may not. Huh?

I am a goal gal. My husband needs deadlines. And, so, when we began this venture, we set ourselves a goal, "to be in Vienna" with a deadline, "in December 2010." About a week ago, it hit me ~ we're half way through the planning phase, but I don't feel half-way planned.

I started to have a little internal panic session, mostly centered on the issue of money. I haven't saved anything for the move. We haven't implemented any of our cost-saving ideas (moving, re-budgeting, downsizing and selling belongings, etc.), and at this point, by the time we actually do these things, we'll only have 3or 4 months to stash anything away for the future before we're supposed to actually be in our future. Not so much...not enough...for my liking.

I started doing that internal spinning thing, feeling like I needed to say something to my husband, but afraid that I'd be a wet blanket, feeling guilty about being lazy about things and not pushing our agenda, beginning to wonder if that meant I really don't want to go. Oh, this little head of my mine can go all sorts of places when left to its own devices for too long!

Before I could even broach the subject, though, he did so for me. Coming from a different angle, my husband started talking about being flexible in our timing.

See, he's starting a new business, a business that he'll be able to run from wherever once its gotten to a certain point but that he needs to be here for while things are in the beginning phases. He's been working on this project night and day for weeks (months?) now and this is why I haven't pushed the things on our To Do List that require two of us much. The work project is a priority at the moment, a big part of our future.

He's beginning to get bits of success, things are beginning to happen. And to make it really happen, we need to be flexible. Or, this is what he asked ~ can we be a little flexible with our departure date? If it takes 9 months instead of 6 to be at the right phase in the business to move, would I be okay with that? What about if it is a year from now, rather than a year from when we first started talking the Vienna talk?

Ah, the world works in funny ways sometimes. Would I be okay with that? I wanted to give him a big, fat hug. I probably would have, but I think we were in the car and one of us was actually driving at the moment, so it would have been difficult. Yes, I'm okay with that!

This does not, by any means, I assure you, mean that I don't WANT to be there in 6 months. Heck, I'd like to be there now. But the openness is helping me breathe a little easier about the whole thing and when I breathe easier, I get more done. So, I actually feel like the open-ended, non-time-specific goal is going to work by my/our advantage.

Mind you, I rule nothing out. I'm continuing to keep my eyes and ears open for a job in Vienna for which I can actually apply and trying to be creative in my job searching (nothing so far, but I will stay diligent). If there arises an opportunity for me to get over there on a work visa, you can be sure I'll take advantage of that and we'll make something work.

Open-ended does not equal delay. Open-ended is simply flexibility. And flexibility can be a good thing. I know it's the right thing, because I haven't needed to sit and convince myself that it is good, that it is right, that it doesn't mean something I don't want it to mean (that we'll never get to Vienna). It simply is.

Saturday

2010-06-26T09:55:00.000-07:00

DEFINITION OF A SATURDAY: Slept in. Husband off getting bi-weekly haircut so I have the house to myself. Reruns of Gilmore Girls. Coffee and breakfast. Laundry. Cleaning. Puttering. A lovely day.

Go Figure

2010-06-24T06:18:00.000-07:00

I may not be a sports fan, but I am big on health and fitness. And while I never attend football or baseball (or soccer) games for fun, I did recently find myself at another kind of fitness event I had never imaged ~ a bodybuilding show.

I was there for my husband. No, not because he was on stage, oiled up and flexing his muscles, but because he had coached someone to compete in one of the women's categories. Did you know there were different categories at bodybuilding shows? For women, no less? I didn't. Oh, my husband had tried many times to tell me all about the competitions and the various levels and the fact that not all the women are the huge she-male, musclebound, unfeminine type, but I wouldn't believe it until I saw for myself.

Lo and behold, there they were - lots of women who looked like women, all (or most, at least) in fabulous shape. Depending on the level at which they were competing, they were in different states of leanness and muscle size and definition, but, with the exception of a couple freaky-weird people I'm still not convinced were actually women, they didn't look alien to me. They didn't look like women trying to be men. In fact, they looked quite good. In further fact, I was a little jealous. (Lethal combination of competitiveness and vanity kicking in. Damn.)

My husband has been trying to convince me to enter a competition for some time and train to get myself into prime physical shape. I've resisted so far. It's not that I don't want to put myself through the training required; I actually love the idea of pushing myself, mentally and physically, to get into such shape. I've resisted for two reasons:

1) I had the image of a true female bodybuilder in mind and I have no desire to get into that kind of physical shape. I like being a girl and looking like one. I like my muscles just about the size they are, thank you very much.

2) I just cannot imagine myself parading across a stage in a bikini and high heels, oiled up and tan, with a full face of makeup and hair blown out in a big do. SO NOT ME!

So, what did I find when I actually attended a show? Oh, yes, I did feel a little odd-man-out even in the crowd. Many of the female attendees were nearly as made up as the contestants and were wearing tight jeans, heels, revealing tops, and there I was in my cute vintage blouse, black pants and converse sneakers.

In truth, though, it wasn't as bad as I thought. As far as the contestants went, there were women who looked like men but there were also women who looked like gorgeous, fit women. There were women who were so spray tanned that they looked orange or green-brown, but most could actually walk down the street without turning heads. There were quite a few women who were so made up and had such big hair that they looked like muscled beauty pageant contestants, but there were a few who looked more like the gal who lives next door with a little extra blush and lip gloss.

So I'm thinking......maybe this would be fun, maybe this is something I should do before we move......maybe, maybe, maybe. I'd choose the Figure Competition level, which means being super lean and being judged solely on muscle symmetry and tone (not size - meaning, no huge bulging bodybuilding muscles).

I actually started the diet and training a couple weeks ago to get myself into shape, just in case, and now I'm just about ready to register for a competition in San Francisco in October. Gulp. Will I actually do it? Stay Tuned.

2010-06-22T06:08:00.000-07:00

QUESTION: If I move to Europe, does that mean something will turn on inside me and I'll suddenly become a soccer/football fan?

On books and reading

2010-06-20T07:11:00.000-07:00

I've been reading lately. A lot. I'm lucky. I am a librarian and I work every day in a building devoted to collecting the printed word. One can't assume, though, that proximity and availability necessarily provides any more time in which to get lost in a good book. Contrary to a strangely common notion, my job does not give me any more time in which to read than the average person who works full-time and has other stuff going on in life.

What my job does give me, though, is a daily opportunity for discovery. I see hundreds of books every day, some are familiar, but many are new to me - older titles that I've never encountered and others fresh from the presses. And because it's a library and not a bookstore, I'm able to sweep these books up and bring them home for a few weeks, maybe to be read, maybe to sit in a stack at the side of my bed, but all without a sense of commitment or a feeling of guilt if they're returned unopened. Usually, the number of unopened books far exceeds that of those I actually read.

Except recently. As I said above, I've been reading a lot lately. I've been wanting to read - all the time. On the train, on my lunch break, sitting in the car while my husband is in the store, in the evenings and on weekends, when I should be attending to other errands and activities. And it hasn't been that a particular book has captured me - they all have.

It just struck me this morning that perhaps I'm trying to get it all in. Perhaps I'm attempting to discover and devour as many books as I can - as many new authors, new subjects, new stories - before we move to Vienna. Perhaps I'm afraid I'll have little access to books that I can actually read once we're there and that I'll have to make due with my own collection of already read books. I know this is a little silly, that the Vienna Public Library does have an English language collection, and I fully intend to take advantage of this. I do wonder what it is like, though. Is it extensive? Current? I can search the online catalog from here (in English no less) but if there is anyone reading who is familiar with the Library, I'd love to hear what I have to look forward to.

I know I'll be able to order books online if I'm looking for something specific, but I'm thinking mostly about the opportunity to browse, to discover. A bit of quick research has turned up a few bookstores in Vienna that either specialize in or at least carry books in English:

British Bookstore
International Bookstore
Shakespeare & Company
Thalia

I also have to say that I consider myself very lucky that my native language is English and not, say, Swahili or Thai, which, I can only imagine, would make finding books in other countries much more difficult.

Are you an expat with a native language different than that of your current home? What has your experience in this area been?

____________________________________________________________________________________

And because I'm always curious about what other people are reading, I'm going to share some of the recent titles I've enjoyed and am enjoying. Please feel free to comment and share your own recent discoveries.

Recently Read:

Zeitoun by Dave Eggers

The Sweet Life in Paris: Delicious Adventures in the World's Most Glorious - and Perplexing - City by David Lebovitz

Embers by Sandor Marai

Family Album by Penelope Lively

Cutting for Stone by Abraham Verghese

Currently in my Reading & To Be Read stacks:

The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin

The Imperfectionists by Tom Rachman

36 Arguments for the Existence of God: a work of fiction by Rebecca Newberger Goldstein

Boys and Girls Like You and Me: Stories by Aryn Kyle

Alice I Have Been by Melanie Benjamin

Stash it under the mattress

2010-06-18T05:56:00.000-07:00

What are your tricks for saving money?

I am, admittedly and unfortunately, not a natural born saver. I never have been good at paying myself first, building that nest egg, or setting aside for a rainy day. I'd have to say that I fall somewhere in the middle of the broad spectrum between spendthrift and miser - I don't spend foolishly or wastefully (anymore), nor do I stash away cash and watch bank balances go up and up and up with anything resembling rapidity.

Moving to Vienna obviously requires a certain financial investment. Moving anywhere does, but there is more pressure when moving to a different country. I don't have the assurance that I'll be able to walk into a coffee shop in Vienna and get a job as a barista to pay the bills if whatever official job I do get first doesn't pan out - those minor issues of work visas and not being fluent in the language, you know. So, beyond the expenses of actually moving and getting ourselves (and all our stuff) there, I'd like to have as much money in the bank as possible before we go.

How's that for a goal - "as much money as possible." Hmmm - I think it's time for some serious pecuniary planning.

One of the Big Six on my To Do List is - "Save Money." That is the heading at the top of the page. What I need to figure out now is what comes underneath that heading. HOW am I going to Save Money? What can I do to squeeze every penny out of my current income and stash it away, safely out of reach until the time comes to move? Are there ways to maximize or leverage my money, to make what I do have and what I am able to save "work harder" for me? (Isn't that the lovely phrase that personal finance gurus use all the time?)

Some ideas and thoughts - in no particular order of importance or implementation - but things I've heard of, read about, tried myself, am hoping will work.

Track current spending - to determine where I can cut back and how much I can afford to stash aside
Make cuts in spending (based on above)
Set a realistic budget (based on above) and stick to it
Downsize (apartment, clothing allowance, etc.)
Repair and reuse instead of replacing
Write down every penny I spend, every day - keeping track supposedly helps you stay aware ALL THE TIME
Eat out less, stay home more
Establish a goal - set a specific dollar amount for how much I ~~want~~ need to save
Set up an automatic transfer to savings account each month
Make it a game
Open a virtual Piggy Bank
Use a real piggy bank (or some other appropriate receptacle we already own - see, saving $ already!) and fill it with every penny, nickel, dime, quarter I find
Play the $5 Bill Game

What works for you? Do you have any special tricks for saving money? Tips for living on a budget?

To Do's

2010-06-15T06:16:00.000-07:00

I've been talking a lot lately about a To Do list. The fact that I need one, that I've thought about one, and, finally, that I started one. It's no joke, not something I made up to make myself look good. I did actually start one.

And here it is....

Doesn't look so bad, does it. Just a matter of six Things To Do to get us to Vienna.

1) Move to a smaller apartment while still here
2) Save $, $ issues
3) Jobs, Jobs, Jobs
4) Paperwork, Visas, etc. What's needed? How?
5) German - learn it
6) Moving logistics

Six things. Six small things. Ha! Do you see the "Which Means" and the big fat arrow?

You see, this is, essentially, just a cover page. Following this momma to do list are lots of little baby to do's, and that's where the real ~~work~~ fun comes in.

And so on, and so forth. And so on..and so on...and so on. I fully expect to fill my new notebook in a relatively short amount of time!

But first. Next Step is to sit down with my husband and create a general timeline. Choose a date to move (!!!) and work back from there to set goals and deadlines, establish priorities and the proper order in which we must address all the various and sundry activities. And decide who is going to do what.

Oh yeah, I like to plan. Seriously. It may not have come across thus far here in my blog. I've had more a looming, overwhelming, oh-my-gosh-it's-all-so-big-I-don't-know-what-to-do-and-I-don't-want-to-start approach to the whole thing. I've also been waiting for my husband to lead me to the planning table. I forgot (conveniently) - I'm the planner, he's more a do-er. He's great once the ball gets rolling, but my strong suit is to get said ball rolling. Time to accept and work to our strengths.

Roll on.

I miss German

2010-06-13T17:15:00.000-07:00

I must admit that I haven't done a Rosetta Stone lesson or looked at any German since well before our trip to Vienna. UNTIL TODAY! Phew. I've been putting it off and the longer I do so, the harder it is to start again. What's the German word for procrastinate? Zogern (it is actually supposed to be an o with an umlaut, but I don't have a German keyboard, so I can't type it correctly, which totally bums me out). But today I jumped back in. Didn't do too badly, either.

I miss hearing German spoken just walking down the street. Not that I had any idea what people were saying for the most part, what with the speed of the talk and the vocabulary that far exceeded my font of knowledge. Rosetta Stone is good for me. I know. But it has nothing on being in the thick of it.

And perhaps it sounds strange, but lately I have very much been missing what it felt like to be in a completely different place, among different people, a different culture, hearing a different language, having no idea what is going to happen, what is coming around the corner, and how I may fare in any upcoming interaction. The feeling I had when visiting Vienna. It was overwhelming, but exhilarating.

Feeling homesick for a place that isn't (yet) home? I delved into my photos from our trip today because I was missing it. It made me feel good to look at them....

Seeing these stirred feelings inside and put a smile on my face, kicked my butt into gear to start a big fat To Do List and got me to finally put the funny headset back on to learn more Deutsch.

Thing is, I'm excited to live in Vienna and I'm longing to be there. I'm not quite as excited about doing the work that is required to get us there. Or, at least I haven't been in the past few weeks. Feelings of motivation are beginning to stir again, though. Watch out!

Hot with cold

2010-06-10T05:50:00.000-07:00

A sore throat. Again!?!? Yuck. Didn't I just have this cold a few weeks ago? It hit my husband this past week. I was sick not too long after our trip and I must have passed it on and gotten him ill. I was feeling bad for him but also a little cocky ~ well, at least I've already had it, I don't have to worry. I can go to work, workout, follow my diet, feel healthy, get things done. I'm being knocked down a notch now, it seems. It hit me yesterday, just as this strange cold(ish) weather front moved in. It had been warm and sunny. Yesterday, along with the sore throat came a headache and a general malaise, along with the return of clouds and a cool breeze. It all seems so wintry. Where is my summer?!

From what I've been reading this week, it seems that summer has finally hit Vienna. I've seen lovely photographs on blogs and imagined myself sitting in one of the many city parks, people-watching, reading, simply being.

Looking at the weather for the Bay Area, it appears that summer should return this weekend. And we do have plenty to do outdoors that is enjoyable, I just have to go do it. If I feel better. I've got a few days before the weekend, this feeling may pass. Otherwise, I may just have to take on the hot with my cold and see who wins.

Wake up and smell the coffee

2010-06-08T05:37:00.000-07:00

When I first woke up this morning, lying in bed before the alarm sounded, I could swear I smelled coffee. A wonderfully inviting and motivating smell. Thing is, though, I knew it was impossible. A figment of my imagination. An olfactory hallucination. Unless the cats had learned to scoop coffee grounds and boil hot water, it was pure fancy. But wouldn't that be a cute children's story - kitties wanting to help out, doing things around the house when everyone is gone or asleep. Good intentions with hilarious mishaps.

Then I remembered that I had done a little prep myself last night. I filled the kettle with water and put the coffee grounds into the French Press coffee pot before I went to bed to save myself time in the morning. Is it possible that the smell of the grounds was strong enough to fill the house with the scent of a freshly made pot and reach my little nose all the way in the bedroom? An unexpected but oh so pleasant byproduct of thinking ahead.

I'll never be able to anticipate everything in planning our move to Vienna, but I am thinking today about how important it is to do the best I can to look ahead, prepare in advance, pay attention and do the little and big things that might help pave the way. Who knows what good happenings, what surprises and little bits of pleasure doing so might create. To enjoy the smell of the coffee before it is even made is a lovely thing.

Almost ready To Do

2010-06-06T07:50:00.000-07:00

Slept in a little bit this morning (for me). I faced no alarm clock, no nagging internal voice; I woke up naturally, at just the right time. I am now rejuvenated and it is a gorgeous morning, literally and figuratively.

This is a bit of a work weekend. My library has its annual reading festival this weekend. Yesterday, the libraries (there are 25 of them) had all kinds of events and as one the three organizers of the Big Event, I drove around with my two colleagues to enjoy some of the festivities the individual libraries presented. In addition to being colleagues, we're also dear friends, so it was a treat to be able to spend the entire afternoon together, work or not. It's a little sad to think that this will be the last year we work on this huge project together. It is what brought us together as friends three years ago and while it is certainly hard work, we look forward to it each year, as it means being able to spend more time together while planning. Alas, today - our big author event (Dave Eggers. Awesome! And a huge deal for us!) - will be our last big hurrah. And it should be great, so we'll end on a high note. Or I'll end on a high note. Most people at work don't know this will be my last year. But I know. And my two friends know, so there is a slightly bittersweet taste to the day.

It feels like one of those big markers. You know...last time I'll ever do this. Last time I'll ever do that. Who knows, maybe one day I'll work in a library in Vienna and organize a reading festival, but I'm thinking that the odds of that are rather slim! And, honestly, I'm not sure I would want to do that, even if I could. I think it might be time to do something new and different. Not that I won't capitalize on my library skills and education if it'll get me a job in Vienna, but any library work I can foresee will be more corporate, research-based and less public library work.

And, ack, here comes the nagging voice....what about work, Carrie? Have you looked into it recently? What ARE you going to do? How ARE you going to make a living, legally? Is it even possible? It is one of the many items on a very long To Do list for Vienna. I started the list last weekend. And now I have a nice list. But I have to start doing things. My husband and I set ourselves a timeline for one of the projects - selling our furniture on Craigslist so that we can downsize apartments. Step One. We were going to have everything posted by the end of the week. Last week. And somehow, here we are, Sunday, the beginning of a new week, and we still haven't done it. What are we thinking?

I have/we have GOT TO get our game on if this is really going to happen. I swear. This week. That big To Do list. Game on. (It's got to be.)

Who me...trouble?

2010-06-04T05:50:00.000-07:00

This is Little Sister. Sister is one of our two cats and she's been a bit of a troublemaker lately. Beginning a couple weeks before our trip to Europe, she started peeing outside her litter box. On the couch. On our bed. In the plant. It happened just a few times, it wasn't a regular thing. It didn't seem like she couldn't help herself, like there was a physical reason she was doing this, so we figured she was trying to tell us something, but we couldn't figure out what that something was. She needed more love? We gave her more love. Maybe she's decided that after 8 years of sharing with her brother, Bear, she wants her own space? We got a second litter box. Things got better and she seemed just fine in the days before we left.

While we were gone - nothing. For two weeks. Our friends stopped by twice a day to feed the cats and give them a little petting and love and there was never anything amiss.

Neither kitty gave us too much of the cold shoulder upon our return. We got back, things went right back to normal. The pre-peeing normal. At first. And then it began. In the kitchen. On the couch. In the kitchen. On the bed. On my husband in the bed. In the kitchen. On me on the bed. On our favorite armchair. In all other respects, she was acting normally, her disposition hadn't changed. We were giving her a bit of extra time and love, assuming she wanted or needed more attention. But it didn't stop.

Forgetting for a moment the fact that she had done this well before we went on vacation, we assumed she was telling us she was peeved about our leaving. That made sense. But it went on for more than a week. I woke up every morning, afraid of what I'd find. I had a bottle of special cleaner at the ready. It seemed to be related to when she wanted to eat. If I didn't get up fast enough and feed her, well, she let me know how she felt about it. One time she didn't even let me get out of bed, just started to tell me how she was feeling in this new special way of hers while I was still lying there!

We took her to the vet last week. She is as healthy as she can be. No infections, perfect little bladder. There is absolutely nothing physically wrong with her. Brought her home from the vet and -poof- just like that, it stopped. We brought her in on a Tuesday. Starting Wednesday, everything was magically back to normal - hurrah! Maybe she just needed the extra attention. Maybe we scared it out of her by taking her to the vet. Who knows why, but we were once again a happy, pee-free family.

The honeymoon was short-lived. It has started again! After a week in the pee-free zone, she's done it again. Just once that I can tell (and, really, you can't hide cat pee anywhere), yesterday. On the favorite armchair again. AAARGH!

What is she trying to tell us? Does anyone out there speak kitty? I could use a translator. Ah, I need the Kitty Whisperer, that's what I need.

P.S. I just had an image of my husband and I trying to piece together enough German to explain the situation to a vet in Vienna, should we ever have to. It's a funny visual - single words, hand gestures. We may have to resort to drawing pictures if our vocabulary isn't up to the task. Should be fun.

Am I my stuff?

2010-06-03T06:21:00.000-07:00

Minor freak out yesterday morning. I'm all dressed for work and looking for my brown purse. I can't find it. It's the only brown purse I own and my outfit definitely called for it. I don't use the purse often, since I don't wear earth tones very often, but since it does happen occasionally, I own one fabulous slouchy, brown leather purse. Or, at least, I thought I did.

As I was rummaging through my bedroom closet, the coat closet, the back office closet and time was running out before I HAD TO leave the house, I kept saying to myself, "I can't believe I would have gotten rid of it. I just can't believe I'd do that." But it wasn't there.

A few months ago, I made a first pass at weeding my wardrobe to prep for an eventual move to Vienna. Who wants to cart boxes and boxes of clothes and stuff across the ocean!? I went through my closet, drawers, shelves - clothes, shoes, handbags....everything. I was feeling pretty focused and intent on making a dent; I followed the Use Rule (how often do you wear/use it) and I was pretty ruthless. And I made some pretty good decisions - since the Big Clean, I haven't reached into the closet to find something, only to realize it is no longer a part of my life. Until yesterday.

Strictly following the Use Rule, the purse wouldn't have made the cut, so I can see myself putting it in the To Go pile. But it is the ONLY brown purse I own. As much as I hate to admit it, I am a matchy-matchy girl. My shoes and purse must match my outfit or I feel off all day. I just couldn't imagine that I'd have let the drive for minimalism trump the need to have one brown purse for those non-black-wearing days, few as they may be.

Lo and behold, just in the nick of Gotta-Get-Outta-Here time, I found it. On the closet floor, underneath shoe boxes and various other items. Of course I didn't get rid of it. A sigh of relief and a huge smile. I felt such joy!

And then I felt a little silly, feeling such happiness about a purse. I spent the day pondering the idea of the things we own, the things we each choose to put an emphasis on, and how we use them to define ourselves - to ourself and to others. In light of moving and wanting to pare down to basics, what it would mean to not have some of these things? Would I feel like myself in Vienna if I got there and didn't have all my *stuff*? I'm not a very sentimental person. I don't hold on to objects, trinkets, or knick-knacks much. A few family items, but mostly books and clothes. That's me, that's my stuff.

A friend recently asked me and my husband what we were planning to take with us to Vienna. "Just a few suitcases?" he asked. My husband nodded, yes. I shook my head, vehemently, No! I probably also had a look of utter disbelief and horror on my face - a couple suitcases!?

I do have every desire to pare down to the basics and I understand the need to do so in planning an international move, but the basics for me is a totally different thing than the basics for my husband. The question is...is it actually necessary to own three pair of black pants? Really? I keep telling myself - no, it's not, you can do better, get by with less (and there is a sense of accomplishment and pride in being minimalist, I do feel it), but, while they may all be black, these pants are all different styles, they create different looks and reflect different moods.

Since the time I could put my own outfits together, I've felt that the way I dress is my personal means of artistic, creative expression (Much to my mother's chagrin at times. But in my defense, I came of age in the 1980s - think Madonna, Flashdance, big hair, jelly bracelets - what was a girl to do?). I have grown into my own style since those high school, testing-the-self-expression-waters days. Sometimes classic, sometimes quirky, always a little different and always very Me (whatever that really means). To be Me, I need these three pair of black pants and a brown purse that I only use once every few months.

It's not a matter of being owned by my stuff, being a slave to consumerism and trends. Most of what I own, I've had for years. I do shop, but I only buy what I really need and want now and I keep and wear things for a long time. My wardrobe is my history, my story, in a way. To trim it to what would fit in a couple suitcases would be like cutting off an arm. Oh the drama! But it's true! Am I crazy? Am I my stuff? Or is my stuff a part of me?

Coffee and blog

2010-05-30T07:28:00.000-07:00

I'm rubbing the sleep from my eyes and drinking a cup of hot, strong, American drip coffee. I don't usually run right to my computer upon awakening, although I will admit that I sometimes have to force myself not to (dang email and Facebook addiction). This morning, though, I feel an overwhelming desire to sit and write a bit. It is Sunday and it is a holiday weekend, which means I was off yesterday, I'm off today, and I have all day tomorrow to myself as well. All is leisurely. I don't have to rush to the gym or rush to work or rush to....well, anywhere. And, so, I find myself here.

My husband and I have been back from Vienna for a little more than two weeks now and I realize that despite several posts and the confirmation that the move is still on, I haven't been terribly talkative, even here, about the trip, about my impressions, about my fears and excitements. For those of you who know me and/or have been reading since the earliest posts, you'll know that one of my goals in creating this blog is to get myself to share more. Talking about myself is not something I do much, even with family and close friends. And, so, it can sometimes seem as though I don't put much thought into things and that I go from idea to decision - poof - just like that. Is she sure? Does she really know what she's getting into? Has she really thought about it?

I was just about to say (slightly defensively) - of course I do! I think long and hard about all that I do, I've spent hours pondering the emotional, physical, mental aspects of such a move, my reactions to Vienna, my experience there, how I feel about it all. Truth is, though, I haven't. Not in such a concerted - I-have-to-sit-down-and-figure-this-out-and-make-sure-I've-considered-everything kind of way. That's just not me. Which isn't to say that I don't think about things at all, that I'm naively moving forward with a half-hatched plan and that I'll find myself in Vienna this time next year, thinking, "this was stupid, I should have thought more about xx, yy, and zz before I just picked up and moved."

What I am saying is that I'm just not the soul-searching type in general ~ and I'm only recently coming to accept that of myself and be okay with it. This doesn't mean that I don't have moments of deep thought and personal reflection and insight but it often seems that I don't have as many of those moments as others do or as I maybe "should" have, especially when considering something as seemingly huge as picking up and moving to Vienna.

Truth is, I just don't think of it as such a huge deal. It's another chapter in my life. I've picked up and moved before. I've started over. And, yes, I've considered that moving within my home country isn't the same as moving to Europe for all sorts of different reasons. But, I've been reading so many expat and traveler's blogs and these and our visit to England and Vienna really did reinforce my thought that this truly is a small world and one that I want to explore. And while a little hard and scary, it's not that hard and scary.

When it comes to thinking about the move, my mind goes almost immediately to the practical and pragmatic (jobs, visas, residence permits and such), not the emotional or psychological aspects of moving. This isn't because I don't expect there to be any and it's not a diversionary tactic. I've tried thinking hard about what kind of impact this will have on my relationships with family and friends, with my husband, with myself, but my mind won't stay there. I get antsy and anxious when I try to concentrate on these aspects of the move because, well, how can I know beforehand? I can assume that communication will be as easy from there as it is from here. I can assume that this will be a period of great exploration and expansion and growth for me as an individual and for me and my husband as a couple. But who knows???

What I do know, however, be it a deep insight or shallow justification, is that for me, the whole concept of not knowing, but taking the leap and going anyway...this is the whole point.

Photo by JimileeK

#1 City, #1 Thought

2010-05-26T19:21:00.000-07:00

Vienna Tops World's Best Cities Survey

It would almost be silly of me to NOT post this story with an accompanying..."see, THIS is why we want to move to Vienna!!!" wouldn't it. But, really, what I love about it something a little different. What I love is that a friend posted this link on my Facebook page before I even saw it this morning. A friend that I don't even see or speak with that often. Which means that there are people out there, people outside my family and that first circle of friends, that see "Vienna" and think "Caroline." And THAT makes me smile.

Translate This

2010-05-24T18:37:00.000-07:00

I love Google Chrome.

I haven't always loved Google Chrome. I've been a devoted Firefox user for years and I will admit to using Internet Explorer, but only on the job because many of my work-related reports don't function properly in Firefox.

I've never imagined myself professing my love for a browser. Or a technology. Or anything computer-related, really. It's always there and it helps me get through my day, but my emotions don't get particularly piqued by technologies or gizmos or gadgets (well, except maybe my iPhone).

Until now. Google Chrome. I'm not a huge fan of the homepage layout with my most visited sites, although it has grown on me. It runs a little slow sometimes and there are quirks here and there because I've been using a beta and then a developer's version. So, why put up with this? Why the love? For one very simple reason. When I pull up a webpage in another language, I get a prompt at the top, "This page is in (language). Would you like to translate?"

How cool is that! Not only does that mean that I can visit blogs written in other languages for my reading pleasure, it also has super practical benefits. For example, a few weeks ago we were trying to research gyms in Vienna prior to our visit. Aha, here's a page for Top Gym. Shucks, I can't read it. Look to the top of the screen and there it is "This page is in German. Do you want to translate?" Uh, yes please! Presto, chango, in the blink of an eye. Comprehension.

I will admit that the translation is a bit off here and there, but it's good enough to follow. It is no substitute for learning German, I do realize that and, no, no, no, that is not the intention, I swear (can I say that any more emphatically?) but I have a feeling this nifty little bit of technology is going to make more than a little bit of difference in the upcoming months of planning.

The Turning Point

2010-05-22T14:30:00.000-07:00

Yup, she did it again! For those who have been reading An American Girl for a bit, you'll know that this is the second layout change I've made since the blog's creation. And for those of you who have recently found me, there's my admission ~ this is the second layout change I've made since the blog's creation!

WHY, you ask? Or, maybe you don't really care, but I'm going to explain anyway. It'll make me feel better.

As interesting and colorful as the most recent layout was, it was, quite frankly, a bit too frou-frou for me (frou-frou being one of my husband's favorite descriptive terms. I like it). From the moment I switched to it, I longed to go back to a clean, white, minimalist look, something a little more mature, professional. But, I feared being too much the flake so I thought I'd sit with it.

Today, though, I find myself at a turning point. The turning point being the moment at which I moved from "...hmmmm my hubby and I think we'd like to move to Vienna and we'll see what happens," to "Alright folks, we're moving to Vienna!" It's time to get serious and kick this game into high gear!

Which seemed the perfect time to go back to a more suitable look.

What you see today is just the beginning of a new format and new approach. There will be much to come, starting with a new title design and header (I need husband's help with that, though, so it's not ready today), pages devoted to major topics, a countdown to the move, once it's scheduled. Who knows what else I'll come up with.

As the decision to move is now official, I am officially declaring myself a serious blogger. Not only is An American Girl a fascinating a fun way to chronicle the experience, but it is also a serious endeavor to expand my network, make even more connections, ask questions, gain insights and practical information. And, lest I forget, part of this venture is to practice writing and shift my focus to that creative (and perhaps someday financially-lucrative) endeavor.

Until today, it was mostly fun. Somewhat serious, but mostly fun.
Now, it is totally serious. And totally fun!

Down, but not quite out

2010-05-21T06:06:00.000-07:00

Please forgive the radio silence. I suppose it should be "blog silence" but that doesn't have quite the same ring, does it? I may have avoided jet lag, but I got someone's stinky cold. I've been making it through work each day this week, but mornings and evenings are no longer periods of motivation, creativity or productivity. More like periods of hacking and sneezing, sniffling and sleeping. But not writing. Not blogging. Lots of thinking, though. My physical depletion hasn't been accompanied by mental depletion and while my body may be slumped on the couch, my mind feels focused and sharp. This is good! And it also means that there will be lots of writing and blogging soon to come. Stay Tuned. Achoo.

No Comparison

2010-05-17T06:10:00.000-07:00

One of my readers made a great comment to the last post about not judging a new environment by a set of norms based on another place (thank you, Michelle). Hard to do, for sure, but she has a very good point.

The whole point of moving, for me, is to experience a different culture, a non-US culture, to take myself out of the environment in which I've lived for 30 some-odd years and try something new. I will undoubtedly fall back on making comparisons at times but the goal is to recognize the differences and explore, try to understand, overcome, integrate new ideas and approaches....to learn and grow from the variety of experiences, not use them as roadblocks.

Thank you for that reminder!

An American Girl's Impressions of Vienna

2010-05-16T11:56:00.000-07:00

Okay, so here's the quick and dirty ~ a few impressions of Vienna to be expounded upon in upcoming days, but something to get the complex, swirling, morphing thoughts and feelings about the city and the move out of my head and onto "paper."

Truth is, it wasn't love at first sight. I didn't LOVE Vienna the way I was hoping to LOVE Vienna. I never had the "This is THE city for me and feels like home already" experience that would have made the decision to move there a no-brainer.

But I didn't dislike it either. Well, unless you talked to me on Tuesday night, when I was tired from walking all over the city (and London the prior week), and the grocery store clerk sneered at me because I hadn't weighed my oranges before I got in line and I couldn't communicate with her because I don't know enough German, and I felt completely out of my element and out of sorts. In which case, I'd have very clearly told you, as I told my husband that night, "I don't like it. It's dirty, smelly, and unfriendly." (Not the most mature, thoughtful or productive conversation starter, I realize, but in my defense, I was really, really tired.)

Our time in Vienna, short as it was, was a combination of sight-seeing and doing real-life things, like going to the gym, going to the grocery store, eating in the small neighborhood cafe (where no one spoke English), riding the U-Bahn and walking through both tourist and residential areas throughout the city. We also met with an assortment of people that live in Vienna, people from all over the world who have been there anywhere from 2 months to 22 years, some who like the city, love the city, aren't quite sure yet and some who don't like it very much at all. We got lots of practical input on jobs, neighborhoods, rent, being foreigners/immigrants, learning German and we met some really nice, helpful, and supportive people.

My thoughts about Vienna were (and continue to be) more akin to a roller-coaster ride ~ up one minute, down the next, then up again. But if you think about it, this is probably far more realistic and telling about life anywhere, isn't it?

So, a couple of the ups and downs (in no particular order):

Up ~ culture and history abound! Can't walk more than a block without running into an overwhelmingly grand palace or church or theater or a small cafe where great intellectuals once sat and conversed. I find this incredibly fascinating and stimulating.

Down ~ smoking. People really do smoke everywhere. We were able to find seats and tables somewhat apart from smokers when we ate out, but the smell lingers everywhere.

Up ~ bike lanes everywhere. I'm not a biker myself (yet, perhaps), but there are marked biking lanes all over the city and loads of people using them. Rather than being part of the road, as they are in most American cities, the bike lanes are part of the sidewalk and this took a bit to get used to. The "sidewalks" are marked with a bike lane and a walking lane and I, for one, was not used to keeping an eye on where I was supposed to be as a pedestrian, particularly when coming up to a crosswalk. But, my walking skills and ability to pay attention aside, the infrastructure provided for bikers and walkers speaks very highly about a citizenry and culture that is healthy and active (smoking aside).

Down ~ unfriendliness. The individuals we met in Vienna, native Austrians and those from other countries and cultures, were all very friendly. A lot of the service personnel in the cafe's and restaurants and gyms were friendly as well. Now that I'm writing about it, I must admit that it seems that more people were friendly than not, which gives me pause about making the following statement ~ Vienna did not feel like a very friendly city. By this, I mean that people didn't look at me and say "Hi" when I passed them in the street, nobody smiled at me when I sat down next to them on the train, and the grocery store clerks were completely and utterly ambivalent about my presence, except to collect my money (I've been shopping at Trader Joe's in California too long ~ "How are you? How's your day? Find everything you need? Have a great day!"). I'm going to have to think on this one a little more, though.....

This post is getting very long (so much for quick and dirty impressions), so I'm going to break off and share more in bits and pieces as the days go by.

Let me just close by saying that when the time came for us to leave, neither of us wanted to come back to California; we wanted to stay in Vienna.

Back in the U.S.A.

2010-05-13T19:20:00.000-07:00

16 hours of travel, several planes and trains (but no automobiles), and we're back in California. It's good to be home because I'm exhausted and ready to sit still for a few days, but it is also sad to be home because I/we were just getting the hang of Vienna when it was time to turn around and come back.

You'll forgive me for not writing much this evening. I have to force myself to stay up for another couple hours to go to bed at regular California bedtime, but my brain isn't functioning well and I am not confident that anything I write will actually make sense. I think I'll catch up on my blog reading, maybe get an episode of Mad Men in and then get ready for some good sleep.

Let me just say that we did have a great trip. We saw lots, did lots and met lots of people. To all my new Vienna friends ~ hello and thanks again! It was so lovely to meet you.

More tomorrow. Promise.

Politeness, Pudding, Pubs and a Prime Minister

2010-05-05T23:48:00.000-07:00

A few observations thus far....

Politeness ~

"Lovely, thank you." With the exception of one rather rude sales clerk at the local Sainsbury's grocery, the British have been the epitome of politeness. In the shops, in restaurants...driving. Who knew that people gave way rather than blocking, waved you on rather than making other, not so friendly, hand gestures. It's just lovely. And that word, "lovely." It's always been a favorite of mine and I've heard it more in the past three days than in my entire lifetime. I'm hoping its effect doesn't become dulled from overuse, but I'm simply basking in it for the moment.

Pudding ~

Pudding = dessert. Not that dessert is always pudding (although I've had my share of custard since we've been here). Rather, pudding is used as a general term for dessert.

Pubs~

We went to a proper English pub for dinner on Tuesday night and I had fish and chips with crushed peas and a pint of bitter.

Prime Minister ~

Today is election day here in Britain and it is quite the exciting contest between Gordon Brown and the Labour Party, David Cameron, the Conservative, and the LibDem, Nick Clegg. I won't pretend to know all the issues, but it is a momentous election and you can feel the tension and anticipation in the air.

Neither Kiefer nor I have experienced jet lag (yet??) and we've adjusted to the local time just fine. It is morning and it feels like it should be morning. I'm here with a cup of coffee and our laptop, in a house that is twice as old as the United States. Not a castle, more a manor house, maybe (I need to do a little more research on that). It is an estate, really. I don't know how many acres (or hectares, ha's), but it is quite large, with meadows and woods and streams, a public right of way path, a 400 year-old tree, hundreds and hundreds of rabbits and quite a few pheasants. I think I'll walk the grounds this morning and take photos. Our other friend's house is nearly as old, not as much land, but with quintessential English gardens and a meadow nearby that is home to two cows and a calf.

We spent Tuesday in Sussex County, with Kiefer acclimating to driving on the right side of the car, on the left side of the road, shifting with his left hand and me trying (and failing at first) to navigate through traffic circles and keep him moving in the right direction toward our destination. We developed a system not too long into our first excursion, but it was rather painful for a bit. We did make it to an 11th century castle, Arundel Castle, and had lunch in the local town.

We ditched the car on Wednesday and took the train to London. We had a day pass for the Underground as well, so we walked and took the train all over the city to see all the major landmarks and sites. Admission fees at all the sites is quite steep, so we just took in the buildings and surrounding areas. The plan is to spend another day in London on Friday and we may decide on one or two places to spend more time. I would like to tour the Tower of London, but Kiefer isn't so keen. I may do so myself, though.

Today, I'm really not sure what we'll do, but it will be something in the countryside again. Perhaps another castle (Leed's Castle or Bodiam Castle), perhaps Brighton, maybe Chartwell, which was Winston Churchill's home for a time. Right now, truthfully, I'd be happy with a leisurely stroll right where we're staying!

Now, I'm off to check the news. Heard yesterday that the volcanic ash cloud has closed air space in Scotland and Ireland. Please, please, please, don't let it affect our flight to Vienna on Saturday!

I'll try to post photos later today.

Ready to go!

2010-05-02T14:15:00.000-07:00

....ready to go! Auf Wiedersehen, everyone.

Meet up in Vienna - details

2010-05-02T07:55:00.000-07:00

Well, today is the big day! Some final cleaning, packing, saying goodbye to the kitties and we're off across the pond! England is the first stop and then, Hello Wien!

And for any and all of you who would like to meet and greet ~ the day/time/location has been set (and thank you to those who helped).

Sunday ~ May 9, 2:00 - 4:00 at the MuseumsQuartier Main Entrance
(or 14:00 - 16:00, whichever is the right way to write it). In front of the gift shop ~ vis a vis the Natural Historic and Art Historic museums. We'll meet at 2:00 (14:00) and find a good place to grab a table and sit and chat.

Once we get to Wien, I'll have an international phone number and I'll post it to this site. If you can't make it right at 2:00, you can call to find out where we are.

Come one, come all! Can't wait to meet you.

To blog or not to blog....

2010-05-01T06:06:00.000-07:00

that is the question.

I haven't yet decided if I'll be blogging while on our trip, but I have decided to not make the decision until I'm there. If it makes sense, if it fits in the flow of things, I shall. If it becomes a task with that "must do" air about it, I shan't.

Truth is, I'm hoping for the former. I'm hoping that there is a natural break, a natural down-time for reflecting, writing, sharing the experience. I love reading about other people's experiences in their blogs when they're on the road ~ sharing photos, impressions, experiences, feeling their enthusiasm and living vicariously. But, another truth is that previous, somewhat-relevant experience (bringing a journal with me on trips to write and reflect for myself) has not resulted in many, if any, filled pages.

So ~ we're packing the laptop (note to self: go to Radio Shack today to buy power adapter today) and we'll see what happens. Stay Tuned!

Oh ~ and we don't actually leave until tomorrow night, so this will likely not be my last post before departure.

Meet up in Vienna

2010-04-28T05:48:00.000-07:00

I'm so excited that people are excited to meet!! I'm thinking Sunday, May 9th, from, say, 2:00 - 4:00 (I know people have work during the week). Picking a location is the difficult part, as I've never been to Vienna! I've gotten lots of recommendations for cafe's, restaurants, etc., but I'm not yet sure where exactly any of them are in the city. Does anyone have a recommendation for a place that is centrally-located, easy to find?

Can't wait!!

Enjoying where I am

2010-04-26T18:43:00.000-07:00

A 90-minute walk was on the workout agenda yesterday. It being a gorgeous day and one in which I actually had someplace to be midday, I decided that I didn't have time to head to San Francisco or my old neighborhood in Oakland to get in some strolling, but that I couldn't waste the beautiful weather by heading to the gym. So, I decided to take a long walk around town. Kiefer and I have lived here in the suburbs for seven months now and despite loving the house, we haven't connected with the place on the whole. We get out of town and back to our old haunts as often as possible.

The sun was shining, it was early enough to not be too hot, and there was a gentle breeze. There is a trail near my house but there is little scenery and I've actually run many miles of it in the past seven months, so that didn't sound terribly exciting. Instead, I headed out with no destination in mind to wind through the residential streets and see where it is I've been living for more than half a year.

What did I find? Two parks that I didn't know existed. A cat that looked just like my Bear, except all white instead of all black. I tried to coax the cat to me with a magic kitty call and whispers of "NegaBear, come here, NegaBear." (Didn't work. Go figure.) I also found that there are roses in bloom everywhere and I played with the new Hipstamatic App on my iPhone for a few shots.

It was lovely. A different kind of lovely for me, who is drawn more to people watching and hustle and bustle than gardens and quiet strolls, but lovely nonetheless.

P.S. On the packing front.......it's all going to fit, carry-on it is! I feel so proud.

Calling all American Girl blog readers in Vienna

2010-04-25T06:12:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure exactly how to make it work, but I love the idea of a little meet & greet with folks in Vienna when we're there in a couple weeks. Perhaps I could pick a place, a day and time and anyone who is interested and available could join me for a coffee, a white wine spritzer, a chat. It's coming up quickly ~ we arrive on the afternoon of Saturday, May 8 and leave Thursday morning, May 13 ~ maybe something on Sunday, May 9 or one of the weekday evenings?

I have so thoroughly enjoyed and appreciated your thoughts, comments, suggestions on An American Girl these past few months and I'd love to say hello and thank you in person when I have the chance.

Can she do it?

2010-04-24T15:22:00.000-07:00

I am inexplicably obsessed with the desire to use only a carry-on suitcase for our trip. One carry-on for my things, that is, not for both of our belongings. (I may be a little bit of a kook, but I'm not certifiable!)

I don't really have a good reason, so it would be futile to ask why. There is no practical need for it, as we won't be trekking around with our baggage daily. But there is something so satisfying about being thoughtful and planning just right. I dream that I am a jet-setting world-traveler who can throw a few items into a bag and yet spend two weeks in Europe looking as though she's delved into her closet-full-of-clothes each day. Every item just right, looks and feels stylish and fabulous each day, never feels at a loss for something left at home.

Today is "practice packing" day. Really, that's what I wrote on my calendar - "Practice Packing." Kiefer is skeptical. I am giddy with anticipation. We'll see if I can do it!

Speaking of speaking...

2010-04-20T19:14:00.000-07:00

The big question now is - will we be able to communicate our desire for a day pass, a guest pass, a temporary membership? I gather that we'll be able to navigate the city well enough in broken German phrases and English as tourists. But what about when we venture into the "real world," those activities that are more suited to residents than visitors? Like going to a gym and conversing with someone about the amenities, the membership rates, if it is possible to get a visitor's pass. How do you say Visitor's Pass in German? I wonder if the iTranslate app on my iPhone knows that one.

Speaking of those goals...

2010-04-18T19:49:00.000-07:00

Just had a conversation with Kiefer:

Me (speaking with a hint of giddiness in my voice): Do you realize we'll have 2 weeks of no working out?
Him: What do you mean?
Me: In Europe, on our trip, we'll be gone for 2 weeks.
Him: So.
Me: So, we won't be going to the gym.
Him: Why wouldn't we be going to a gym? There are gyms in Vienna...gyms in England, too.
Me: And we'll go to them?
Him: Um, yea (slightly exasperated tone).
Me: To work out?
Him: Yea (again with the tone). And, actually, it's really important that we check out the gyms while we're in Vienna so we can find out what the situation is like before we move. It could be a deal-breaker.
Me: Oh. Um. Right.

All kidding aside, I have actually been thinking about this for a few days. I recently embarked on a new workout plan to get in shape for a Figure Competition . I don't think I'm actually going to compete (really can't see myself spray-tanned, sporting a bikini and heels onstage), but I do want to be in that kind of shape. I've been working hard for just two weeks now and I was, I kid you not, thinking that it'll be a shame to lose the momentum while we're out of town. I laughed at myself when I considered this because I am actually going a few steps beyond my normal diligence with that thought. But it did cross my mind. It didn't occur to me, however, to think of ways in which I wouldn't have to break my routine. It did occur to my husband, which shouldn't surprise me.

This brings me to the other question that has been on my mind. What is the fitness situation like in Vienna? Are there gyms like there are here? Small gyms? Big corporate gyms? Is there a fitness culture? Do people work out much? Are the gyms open early/late/all the time? I like to go to the gym first thing in the morning. Kiefer likes to go late at night. Will we be able to keep our routines?

For Kiefer, having access to a gym and the ability to work out daily is essential, personally and professionally. My career and livelihood is not tied to the fitness industry, as his is, but health and fitness is an integral part of my daily life. How much of our lifestyle, if any, will have to change? Will we be oddballs or will we fit in better there than we do here (being more focused on health and fitness than a lot of the general population around us)?

All I know is that I'll be packing my workout gear and my iPod, that part of our exploration will be to find a fitness center that offers day or guest passes and that I'll probably feel a whole heck of a lot better doing that than I would if I didn't workout for an entire two weeks.

I do draw the line at sticking to my strict no-carb diet on the trip. I will most certainly be partaking in all the glorious food and drink that Vienna has to offer. Which means that finding a gym may be even more important!

P.S. Gyms/Fitness Centers doesn't seem to be a major topic in any of my Vienna Guidebooks, so if anyone in the city has a recommendation, please don't hesitate to share! Danke shon.

Goal....keep an eye on the goal.

2010-04-17T07:29:00.000-07:00

I had to make a "big" decision today. Do I go to yoga this morning or not? I love my yoga class - I love the class, the teacher, the progress I've made with my Bird of Paradise, and I love it as part of my Saturday Morning Routine.

Recently, though, I set myself new fitness goal and the schedule I need to follow to meet this goal requires me to hit the gym today for a shoulder/bicep weight workout and a bit of cardio. It also means I've been at the gym every day this week lifting weights and doing cardio workouts. And, boy, does my body feel it! I love my yoga class, but it is quite a workout in itself. To attempt both yoga and my workout today would be too much.

So, yoga, I love you, but I'll have to come back to you. Perhaps I'll be able to take on more next Saturday, but in the meantime, I'm going to revel in the fact that I'm making this decision without too much hemming and hawing and worrying about whether it's the "right decision to make." I'm just going to grab my iPod and go.

Phew!

2010-04-15T09:45:00.000-07:00

Volcanic Ash Shuts Down Air Traffic in North Europe

I am VERY glad that we weren't scheduled to travel to England today!

Ich vermisse dich, Dad! (I miss you, Dad)

2010-04-12T14:28:00.000-07:00

Handsome fella, eh. That's my dad. My dad and my mom, to be precise, in St. Goar, Germany in the early 1970s.

Dad died two years ago on April 10th, which was this past Saturday. As I did last year, I spent a few days conflicted, trying to figure out just what/if/how I am supposed to mark the occasion. I don't live near family with whom I can gather to share the memories over a cup of coffee, which sounds like the best and most comforting way. I'm nowhere near the cemetery, so I can't visit his grave, and I'm not religious, so going to church or praying doesn't have the same meaning or provide solace for me as it may for others.

But as I was trying to think of "a way" to mark the date, it struck me that maybe I don't have to. Maybe it's enough that I think of him all the time, not in a "he's looking down on me" kind of way, but more just a strong presence that found me while he was sick and in the hospital and hasn't really left since he died. I don't ask for his guidance on matters or try to speak with him in any way, but I just feel him there and often find myself thinking...hmmm....I wonder what would dad have thought of this?

In the few years prior to my dad's death, my parents were able to travel some to visit family in different parts of the county (one of the advantages to us all being scattered throughout the US). In 2006, they visited me in California when I graduated with my masters degree and on that trip we went out for lovely dinner in San Francisco at the well-known restaurant, Farallon. My dad took in the entire menu and finally settled on a dish of Opa, a fish I had never heard of and I don't think he had either, which was precisely why he wanted to try it.

Sounds reasonable enough, but I remember being really surprised. I had never pegged my father for the adventurous type, regarding food or otherwise. He liked hamburger meat and mashed potatoes, potato chips and popcorn. I didn't even know he liked fish! Fishsticks, maybe, but fish?! Opa?? Truth is, I never really thought of my dad as existing much beyond my known world of house and home and family and I didn't really start to know him until the last few years of his life. Sure, I knew him as my dad, but I didn't know him as a person, as an individual, until much later in life.

Come to find out, my dad did indeed have a love for going new places, experiencing new things, and trying new foods. So, when I think to myself....hmmm, I wonder what dad would think of me moving to Vienna, I think back to that dinner at Farallon and I know that he would be thrilled. And when I wonder what I can do to honor his memory, I realize that just embarking on this adventure with Kiefer is paying homage in some way to my relatively new found understanding of him as an individual and not just my father. While I can't exactly say that I'm doing it "for him," I know that he would be so proud and excited for me. I only wish he were around to come visit us there once we're settled.

But you can be sure that I'll enjoy all the wienerschnitzel, apfelstrudel and sachre tort I can, just for him.

Casual Friday

2010-04-09T16:51:00.000-07:00

I'm the girl who comes into work all dressed up most every day. Not necessarily suited up - pants or business-suit, that is - more often a dress or skirt and blouse. And, yes, I wear heels to work. Often.

Not today, though, and not so much for the past few weeks and I'm trying to get to the bottom of the problem. Probably not high on the list of major problems that must be solved, but it's an oddity and I'm curious. (I am a librarian, you know, we like to research things).

My gut tells me that it's because my heart isn't into it at the moment. "It" being my work. I am distracted. I have so many other things I would much rather be doing and I'm afraid that I'm starting to resent my job for keeping me from all these other activities. And, so, my appearance is an outward expression of my lackadaisical attitude toward work and my "well, if I have to be here..." attitude. That's a pretty obvious diagnosis, but it'll have to do for now because I've just used my last 15 minutes of workweek to write a blog post. See...I definitely have a problem!

Is there such a word as travelitis....honeymoonitis....kind of like senioritis?

I must admit, though, it is much easier to get around the library quickly in kicky sneakers than in heels! Maybe there is something good to this casualness after all.

and excited girl!

2010-04-06T21:42:00.000-07:00

I just spent a few minutes at Mimie's Microcosms reading her review of several coffeehouses in Vienna and had my first......oh my gosh, we'll actually be in Vienna in a few weeks! moment (the visit, not the move yet - can't get too far ahead of myself). Intellectually, I know the trip is coming up. I even purchased a few travel necessities this weekend. But this was the big AHA! moment.

As I read, I could picture myself sitting in the various spots very well, drinking my Grosser Brauner and taking in the scenery. Kiefer and I are coffeehouse people and, well, Vienna is the home of the coffeehouse, so I can't think of a better place to be.

If you're in Vienna or have been there and have a favorite place, please share!

Lazy Girl....

2010-04-06T21:13:00.000-07:00

I was going to blame it on the fact that we have a friend in town and, well, I can actually use that excuse for the weekend, but yesterday and today....my lack of writing.....all me....a bit of laziness!

And I don't know whether this is lazy or smart, but it just dawned on me that while I'm sitting at my computer, I pick up my phone to check my email rather than open a new tab on my browser to open gmail, just so I don't have to toggle back and forth. And this is now normal. I don't know....lazy? or efficient?

A new world of friends

2010-04-02T05:39:00.000-07:00

In my last post, I was lamenting the fact that I have a difficult time making new friends and the implications this would have on my life in Vienna. Yesterday, as I was reviewing some recent comments I've received on blog posts, it hit me......I already have made connections!

Through An American Girl, I've already "met" quite a few new people and I completely overlooked that the other day. I have a few regular commenters from Vienna and elsewhere that are friendly, funny, thoughtful, helpful. In many cases, these commenters have blogs of their own that I follow. And I continue to get comments from new people, which never ceases to surprise and delight me.

This seems, in a way, to be a new kind of friendship, these blogosphere connections. Whether they ever translate into "let's go get a cup of coffee and chat" friendships is kind of beside the point.

I've been thinking a lot about blogs and friends and the connections we're making online these days and what it all means on a social, emotional, personal relationship level. It's a little too early in the morning to delve into that (and I've used up all my pre-work-writing time), but for now, trying not to sound overly (or falsely) sentimental, I would like to recognize that these connections do have meaning.

So, thank you, to my American Girl friends and supporters......and Happy Friday!

P.S. I just looked at the calendar......exactly one month until the Honeymoon in England and Vienna! I'm so excited I can hardly breathe!

Friends - Making & Keeping, Old & New

2010-03-31T21:22:00.000-07:00

Photo Credit: Gwennypics

Today is the birthday of my oldest and dearest friend, a friend I've had since I was in first grade and one I only see once every year or two (or three) these days. With a couple exceptions, it seems that my dearest friends are all at a great geographical distance from me. This isn't surprising, nor is it even that unusual. I came across a great blog this weekend, MWF Seeking BFF, the online chronicle of a girl in Chicago seeking BFFs because, like me (like many of us, apparently), her oldest and closest are also scattered far way.

Thinking about Friendship in regard to my own future in Vienna, my mind goes in two different directions....

Making New Friends
I had a similar longing to search for a few local BFFs myself a few months ago. When Kiefer and I moved to our new suburban neighborhood, I thought I'd maybe connect with a few of that gals I have worked with in the area - built in friends! Alas, I didn't actually do anything to make that happen. I'm not the most outgoing, social, put-myself-out-there kinda gal and I'm a little nervous about what that means about being in an entirely new country with no connections and not even an acquaintance. I'm not a joiner, a meet-and-greeter, but in my dreams, I overcome my natural reserve upon arriving in Vienna and make myself find ways to meet people and make those connections.

Keeping Old Friends
If/How/Will I keep in touch with my current friends when on the other side of the pond to keep those friendships alive and well? Actually, I imagine it'll be fairly similar to the current state of communication, which is, I must shamefully admit, not the best (regular phone calls are not my forte either). Gosh, I'm not making a very good case for myself as a friend! Email, Facebook....I'm good at those.

I was just about to launch into the Go Me phase of the post, which is to say the I can do it! I can connect and re-connect with friends NOW, while I'm here, enjoy my time left with the people here! spiel. I'd like to believe that pep talk would send me running to the phone to set up a few friend dates for this coming weekend. I have always wanted to be That Girl, you know, the girl that makes friends quickly and easily wherever she goes. And then, once I become That Girl, it'll be easy to move to a new city in a new country and make friends lickity-split.

But then I remember who I am. I have a new personal commandment that I adopted from The Happiness Project, which is to Be Caroline. Accept my true likes and dislikes and not waste time kicking myself for not being something that I really would like to be but just really am not.

I think I was hoping to have the answer all wrapped up in a nice bow at the end of this post, that just writing about it would inspire a brilliant idea or I'd find a quick link to "How to Make Friends Easily & Quickly - in 30 days or your money back," but I'll just have to accept that it's something I'm going to have to think about longer and harder.

And I'll end the post on a positive note by devoting this closing moment to my oldest and dearest friend today. Happy Birthday, I love you!

TV Online

2010-03-30T18:49:00.000-07:00

I just had a sudden thought (and I'm hoping I'm right)....I'll be able to watch The Gilmore Girls via Hulu or the WB or wherever it is I watch it online now when I live in Europe, as long as I have an Internet connection, right!?!?!?

You can say what you want about this crazy technological world, but if it brings me to Stars Hollow to visit with Lorelai and Rory on a regular basis, I'm a happy girl.

Clark, Freud, Edwards and Me

2010-03-28T06:41:00.000-07:00

My alma mater, Clark University, a small, liberal arts college in Worcester, Massachusetts, was the site of Sigmund Freud's introduction - and that of psychoanalysis -to America in 1909 . Freud, the Viennese neurologist who was known at the time in Europe but not so much in the United States, delivered a series of five lectures on his theory of psychoanalysis at the school. They are known today as the "Clark Lectures." It was Freud's first and only trip to America and apparently there is a statue of Freud right in the middle of campus, although I don't remember it at all! (note: I just found out it was erected in 1999, well after my tenure there. Thank goodness. I thought I was losing my mind!)

I was reminded of this fact, one that I no doubt learned when I was a prospective student of the university, in the novel I am currently reading, The Little Book by Selden Edwards. The story spans generations and takes place at different times in Northern California, the Boston-area, and Vienna. Sounds familiar, a little like a map of my life. I don't remember choosing the book for that reason and I certainly didn't know that Clark would come into play in the story - it is a small school, not one that you ever hear about in general conversation or in the news - so it feels like a strangely personal connection. I love how that happens sometimes.

Here's to Mistakes

2010-03-26T18:48:00.000-07:00

I'm foregoing the Friday Five for a bit. Turns out that I don't actually DO five things each week toward the big move....yet. Or, I should say that I don't do five NEW things each week toward the move and I can only say "one more German lesson down" or "cleaned another closet" so many times. Boring!

I was all gung-ho about it for awhile and thought it would be a great feature for An American Girl, but it was becoming more a source of anxiety than a motivator for me. Rather than enjoying the idea of blogging and actually feeling inspired to write, I was filled throughout the week with thoughts of "what am I doing, what can I tell everyone I'm doing? But wait, I'm not really doing anything, but I have to think of something." Oh boy.

So, until such time as I am actually in the throes of doing new and enlightening things all the time because the move is getting close at hand and I have to be, I'm going back to the original plan. Blog a few times a week, sharing thoughts, ideas, pondering issues or tidbits I have heard and working on my writing.

I have to say that this whole exercise - blogging - has been pretty interesting and challenging. It feels odd to try things like the Friday Five, like searching for a good look & feel, like posting writing that I consider to be unpolished, all in a public forum where others can see the missteps, the messiness. And I'm actually inviting others to see the process!

I'm one of those people that doesn't do new things in front of people. Ever. Not in front of strangers. Not in front of people I know. I've never learned to play pool because I'm terrified of making an ass out of myself. I don't play board games or card games because these aren't things you can learn on your own and perfect before taking the show on the road.

I have not perfected the art of writing, the art of blogging. Nor will I ever, I fear, but I am strangely accepting of this. Maybe it's easier because I never see any of you, dear readers, while sitting at my kitchen table with my laptop as an intermediary. It's a lot safer than being in a crowded bar with people staring over my shoulder as I make attempt after attempt to actually get a ball in the pocket at the pool table. But there is still a sheepishness when I make a mistake or decide that something isn't working and I have to change things.

Ah well, here's to mistakes. And learning to love them, laugh at them and move on.

A Glass of Wine and Berry Pie

2010-03-23T20:33:00.000-07:00

I just delivered a presentation to students in the Library Technology program at Diablo Valley College on public libraries and public relations and how public relations can affect public library funding. Exciting stuff!

And perhaps not the most exciting topic for a blog, but don't worry, I'm not going to bore you with those particular details. All I'm going to say is ...... aaaaaah.

Aaaaah....I feel such a HUGE sense of relief! This presentation was the last of a bunch of big(ish) projects I had on my work to-do list this month and at this very moment I feel as though a very large weight has been lifted from my shoulders. At this very moment, as I sit in my living room with a glass a wine and my laptop, a chic flick on in the background because my husband is out and can't make fun of me, dinner in the oven and berry pie waiting for dessert, I feel perfectly relaxed and happy. Aaaah.
Cheers!

Photo Credit: Michele Ferretti

The Friday Five (Freitag funf)

2010-03-18T21:28:00.000-07:00

This week's Five....

1) Vienna Visit in May ~ plane tickets purchased and apartment rental secured. We used the service VRBO to find the rental and so far it has been an easy and pleasant experience (thanks, MJ, for the recommendation). The apartment is on on Max Winter Platz in District 2.

2) Sorted through books ~ Prior to our move six months ago, I weeded my book collection (librarian-speak for getting rid of unwanted books) so it was rather difficult to take another pass. I keep books. I re-read books. I have some books that have sentimental value. Some that I just plain love and with which I can and will never part. All this said, I was able to reduce my collection a bit. I am also consoled by the thought that a friend of ours is willing and able to store boxes of books for us for an indefinite period, so I don't have to weed aggressively. I have also been advised to keep a good collection; that I may long for the comfort of favorite books in English once I'm living in another country, surrounded by another language.

3) The Closet. I also took a first pass at my weeding my wardrobe. This is a very challenging task for me, although I will brag that I have been very good at keeping my clothing collection current for the past few years. Current does not equal small, unfortunately. Thing is...I have a lot of clothes, but I really do wear them. I swear. This is a big one for me. There will be oh so much more on this topic to come, I can assure you.

4) After a 2-3 week hiatus, I just completed another German lesson on the Rosetta Stone. I'm a little overwhelmed at the moment, mostly with possessive pronouns and still a little lost on learning/knowing the gender of nouns (it's important to know that to get the correct form of the pronoun). Learning the language will require much more time and attention that I've been giving it as of late. Must work on this.

5) I'm trying to do what I can to get An American Girl out there and to establish a broad, interesting and interested audience, share with others and have a forum for writing and learning. This week, I spent time in the blogosphere, looking for other blogs, commenting, linking, making connections. I've also been thinking about my content and approach and how to not only write the blips and blurts of what I'm doing, but widening my scope, making it more relevant for others. Give people a reason to want to read beyond just wanting to check up on my progress. As I figure it out, I thank everyone who is already here for reading and hope that if you like An American Girl, that you'll share it with others and spread the word.

The Family that Blogs Together....

2010-03-16T08:39:00.000-07:00

My husband has his own blog, Dangerously Hardcore, which talks primarily about health and fitness (yes, we are the Modern Blogging Family). He posted a story the other day entitled Sacrifice that really struck a chord.

Admittedly, I watch more TV, partied a little harder in my youth, am slightly addicted to Facebook, and cannot make the same connections between quantum mechanics and consciousness, molecular biology and muscle growth as he does, but his post gives a little insight into our small family, our priorities, what is considered "normal" around our household. And this may give further insight into how it is that we feel okay taking on something so new, making such a huge move.

To do: confirm dates & buy plane tickets

2010-03-14T19:46:00.000-07:00

DONE. It's official. 2 weeks in Europe for our honeymoon. Vienna here we come (and England, too)! I'm so excited I can hardly stand it!

Neither Kiefer nor I have flown internationally. The first thing he asks me once we've got the flights confirmed....."what the heck are we going to do on a plane for 10 hours?"

Friday, yes. Five, no.

2010-03-12T19:14:00.000-08:00

I only worked 2 1/2 days this week and spent the rest of the time at home on the couch. I didn't get a whole lot done from my living room perch, but I wasn't feeling so hot so my lack of productivity hasn't bothered me. It does mean, however, that I don't have much to report today and definitely not a whole Five Things. I did try a bit of German one day, but Rosetta Stone didn't take to my funny, froggy cold-voice, so I deserted that exercise. On the plus side, I've had a lot of time to read and have gotten lost in a book in a way I haven't in quite some time (The Swan Thieves by Elizabeth Kostova) and that is a pure joy. Also....

**We continue our honeymoon planning. Lo and behold, Kiefer has friends who live in Sussex, England. In a 600 year-old castle. And we're invited! So, the trip is shaping up to be a week in England and a week in Vienna. No complaints here!

** In the midst of all the didn't do's this week, there was one big DID. I submit my first article contribution to DivineCaroline! If you're interested, here's a direct link to the story....have a read.

I am feeling better today, but I think I'll head back to the couch for a bit. Just one more evening. I've got the movie Before Sunrise to watch. I'm hoping I can get over my cellular-level dislike of Ethan Hawke enough to enjoy the movie. It's set in Vienna and that's what I want to see!

Honeymoon in Vienna

2010-03-06T20:36:00.000-08:00

I've been home all day today, feeling sickly. It's been all around me - at work, at home - and I think I'm finally succumbing, although I am hoping that by laying very low today and most of tomorrow, I'll feel better. My brother will be in town from L.A. tomorrow night and I don't want to feel bad for the evening he's here!

I'm not so good with just lying around so while I did sleep a little, mostly I read and finished the book I've been working through and spent time searching online for flights to Vienna.

We're going to Vienna!! Not the move, but the pre-move visit to check it out. Our Honeymoon. In May. It's quite soon and we've got to move quickly with our planning, but tickets skyrocket in June, so we decided to go for it. I just got approval from work for a couple weeks off in early May and the planning has begun. We haven't purchased anything yet, but did some good research today so I'm feeling very excited, despite being tired and achey.

We're also thinking about hotels vs. vacation rentals vs. other lodging possibilities. Any recommendations? Has anyone heard of/used CouchSurfing?

The Friday Five (Freitag funf)

2010-03-05T05:01:00.000-08:00

Yes, you are in the right place! Yes, I changed it again. Yes, I do realize that I cannot, should not be changing the format so often. I don't want to run you off with impatient thoughts of me as a wacky, flaky girl. But I just wasn't happy with the look and feel of An American Girl; it didn't feel like me and this is, well, supposed to be all about me and what I'm going through this year. It's important to me that my blog reflect who I am. So I changed it again. One last time. This is it...promise.

And, since it's Friday again (already?), it's time for....

The Friday Five/Freitag funf

1.) Added a feed for the Austrian Times to my iGoogle page to read the news every day . One of the front page articles this week makes me nervous, BZO Calls for Tougher Immigration Laws. More on that later.

2.) Spent Sunday afternoon walking around San Francisco with Kiefer. Bright and sunny, but windy...typical San Francisco. We ventured through a new (to us) neighborhood...Polk Street. We walked nearly the entire length, from City Hall up to Russian Hill, not quite all the way down to the Wharf. Lots of different people enjoying their coffee, their pedicures, their beer and the USA v. Canada Olympic Hockey Game at the local bars. Saw my friend's friend's flower shop, Cherries, but it was closed, so I enjoyed via a peek through the window.

3.) Started a Story Ideas notebook for possible writing topics - keep it with me at all times to log random thoughts, ideas, connections that pop into my head. I've always thought my biggest block to writing was ideas. Now I've got ideas on the page but I have to actually begin the writing.

4.) Left a message for my old landlord in Oakland to see if he has any vacant studio apartments he'd be willing to let us occupy for a few months. No word yet. I'm hoping that's not a bad sign.

5.) Started taking photos of furniture to sell on Craigslist. I wasn't kidding last week.....if anyone in the Bay Area wants to buy a crescent-moon shaped, light-blue leather couch....look no further!

A Different Approach to Spring Cleaning

2010-03-01T19:17:00.000-08:00

I find that I am looking at everything in my house in a new light, through a new filter. It's almost as if I'm giving everything a sideways glance. You, yeah you, Jamie Oliver cookbook over there in the cookbook pile. Do you have what it takes to make the cut for Vienna? I mean, I love you and all and it is true that you've been with me for years. You have fed me well at times, but I really don't use you very much these days. Yes, you're autographed, which reminds me of meeting your author. But there wasn't anything terribly memorable about the meeting, other than how long it took to get through the line at the book signing. So, what's it going to be?

And so it goes, back and forth. The big purge hasn't actually begun yet, but I find that I am spending a good deal of time making arguments for and against things in my mind already. I fear being too harsh, getting rid of too much. My natural bent is not toward sentimentality, but I don't want to tip the scale too far in the other direction and end up in Vienna with nothing of my past.

Then again, I also have a great fear of shipping charges, so I'll have to find a balance somehow.

The Friday Five

2010-02-26T08:09:00.000-08:00

I got this idea from Abby Try Again, a wonderful blog of "experiments in film photography and general happiness." Every week, she posts five senses friday, a way to look back and take stock of the previous week through things seen, heard, tasted, touched, and smelled. I was hoping to incorporate Five Senses Friday into An American Girl, but I'm not sure I see how to sustain it for weeks on end (will I taste or hear something each week that relates somehow to Vienna or the move?) so I've decided to change it a bit to make it my own (with thanks and apologies to Abby Try Again).

Each Friday, I will post The Friday Five. Five things I have done, thought, or experienced during the previous week that relate to Vienna, the move, the planning, my blog, or ways in which I/we are celebrating our final year in the Bay Area. A way to reflect on, appreciate, and share all that happens each week. And, so, without further ado......

The Friday Five (Freitag funf)

Immersed myself in the German language for 2 hours with the German film, Bella Martha.
Through a friend, found a way to get my writing out to the public (I'd like to make writing my livelihood, or at least a part of it, moving forward). divine caroline - life in your words. This means, of course, that it is time to seriously begin writing. Gulp.
Changed the look of my blog because I found the previous format - layout, font, colors - difficult to read. I hope you like the new format.
Kiefer and I are discussing ways to save money for our move and to begin the downsizing process. We're thinking about selling a lot of our big furniture and other various belongings, keeping the essentials, and moving to a studio (or smaller, cheaper apartment) for the next six to nine months. Craigslist, here we come! Anybody in the Bay Area want to buy a crescent moon-shaped, light blue leather couch?
Started The Friday Five! Okay, that may be cheating a bit, but I just had the idea last night and I'm struggling a bit to come up with Five Things all of a sudden this morning.

Deutsch lernen durch Filme

2010-02-25T21:14:00.000-08:00

I just finished watching the German film, Bella Martha (Mostly Martha), which was remade in America several years later as No Reservations, starring Catherine Zeta-Jones and Aaron Eckhart. I think it's the most German I've ever heard in one sitting and the only time I've ever really heard German spoken in an everyday-regular-life setting. Well, except in the one other German film I've seen, Run, Lola, Run, but I'm not sure you could consider Run, Lola, Run to be a movie about everyday-regular-life. At least it's not my kind of everyday-regular-life (thank goodness!).

But back to Bella Martha. Now that it is over, I have to say that I am both excited and terrified.

Excited because I feel as though I understood a lot more than I thought I would.

Terrified because I realize just how much this comprehension was aided by subtitles and by a very conscious effort to slow down the dialogue in my head and replay it. When I did this, I could hear all the words I understood, pick out the other words from the subtitles, and get a sense of the structure of the whole. Usually. I wasn't so slow that I had to pause the movie with the remote to do this, but I certainly didn't do it with every line in the film.

People speaking in everyday conversation, everyday tones, and with everyday speed is quite different than the very deliberately-spoken lessons I've had thus far! Will I ever be able to comprehend at the same speed at which people are talking!?!? Will I ever be able to speak German quickly, smoothly, without hesitation?!?!?

I did come away from the movie with another good feeling.....about pronunciation. Sometimes, Rosetta Stone (RS for short, from now on) beats me up, demanding very, very specific pronunciation. Heck, there have been times I just can't get past the RS pronunciation master with my "Guten Tag" and I have to say it over and over and over again! Other times, I get through an entire lesson pronouncing everything just the way RS wants it, and I don't always get the difference, so it's a little frustrating. After watching the movie and hearing the different pronunciations and ways people spoke, I really do think that people will understand what it is I'm saying, if only I can remember the right words and put them together in the right way at the right moment! Oh yes, and then there will be the additional issue of the Viennese dialect, but I'll worry about that later.

All in all, a good exercise. More German films, bitte!

P.S. Ich mochte den Film (I liked the movie). And I enjoyed the original far more than the Hollywood remake.

Changing Tenses

2010-02-22T20:45:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I ran the best I have run in months.

I am scheduled to run a half-marathon in little more than a month, but regardless of the impending deadline, I haven't been able to muster any motivation whatsoever. I've been half-assing it - not eating right, not training midweek, and not even really running when I'm out running, if that makes any sense. Nine months ago, I was averaging 7:30 - 8:00 min/miles for 13+ miles. These days, I'm lucky if I can sustain 9:30 min/miles for five.

My old m.o. was to strap on my NikePlus monitor, put it on the pace setting and run to keep at my chosen pace. I pushed myself during my runs, never wanting to back down, never giving less than all that I had at the moment. These days, though, I rarely check the pace. The monitor stays on the distance setting and my primary thought has been "how much farther do I have to go" rather than "how much faster can I go."

When the hell did I get so passive?? When did I get to the point that I thought I could forego training, diet, and preparation and, despite this, decent results would magically appear on my longer Sunday runs?

And what, you're wondering, am I doing babbling on about all this here?

Notice the lack of posts lately? Maybe one a week for the past few weeks - after the active surge for the first month or so. Passiveness has left the isolated realm of running and reared its ugly head in other parts of my life! The blog post ideas haven't come as frequently as before, I've already written about the things I'm doing right at this moment, so, well, I just sit here, waiting for The Next Big Blog Post Idea to fall out of the sky and land in my lap as I sit on the couch and watch yet another episode of The Gilmore Girls or Grey's Anatomy. Ugh.

Last week, I ate right, followed my special diet, trained all week, and come Sunday had a great run. I increased my distance by 2 miles and my pace by about 30 seconds a mile. This still only puts me at 9:00 min/miles for 9 miles, but the best part is that I felt like I was really running the whole time I was running. I was there, engaged, involved, whatever you want to call it. I've always called it "active running."

So now it's time to take this whole passive-to-active thing and get my butt in gear with my writing, posting, learning, planning. I wish I could say that the switch has been flipped to the ON position, just like that. For a few hours yesterday I thought maybe it had, but it's not quite there. I'm on a dimmer switch, apparently, and the change isn't quite that dramatic.

What last week did remind me through my running, though, is that the dream of the good result without the work just isn't going to cut it. If I want this to work, if I want my blog to be interesting or entertaining or relevant in some way, if I want the move to Vienna to happen, if I want to be able to find meaningful work, if I want to learn German, if I want to take full advantage of all there is to do in the Bay Area before we leave - I've got to get my passive ass in gear, not only literally, but figuratively, and make it all happen.

Mann und Frau

2010-02-16T18:35:00.000-08:00

Please pardon the lapse in writing....I've been off. Busy. Getting married!

It's been a great week, and, well, it seemed busy to me, although it was nowhere near as full as most people's when they get married. A simple ceremony at San Francisco City Hall. Dinner. Night in the City. Brunch. We did it just the way we wanted, which isn't always easy to explain or to make happen. I suppose that's what we're doing with Vienna as well.....something that's just for us and just us, doing it our way.

But we do have the love and support of many people - for our wedding and for our move. I was reminded of that this week. And it made me smile.

The question now is, do we have to (or should we) do it all again when we get to Vienna? Not that I mind, just curious....

The Unexpected Story

2010-02-08T21:54:00.001-08:00

I've been struggling this past week to find something to blog about. Something I've done or planned or a tidbit of info I've chanced to find that will help us get closer to Vienna. Other than our passports arriving, though, I didn't feel I had anything to say, Vienna-wise. And, so, I've said nothing.

But as I've been sitting here, saying nothing, things that didn't at first seem related or relatable are crowding my mind and I've decided that they're more connected than I thought at first. It could just be that this is a sentimental time for me, but I'm starting to weave things together and, if not specifically related to Vienna, they're related to me, and this truly is my story this week.

On February 6th, forty years ago, my mother boarded a plane bound for Germany. She traveled alone and brought with her a large purse containing all the regular purse "stuff," as well as a passport, 6 place settings, and 3 service pieces of sterling silver. In addition to what sounds like the ultimate handbag, mom had with her a carefully packed and sealed box that held her wedding gown. She was going to meet my dad, who was in the Air Force. They were getting married. In Germany. On Valentine's Day.

Fast forward forty years. Here I am, in California, away from my family. I have no place settings stashed in a large purse, but I have a dress. I am getting married. On the day as close to Valentine's Day as we could get at City Hall.

These are but a few of the similarities that have come into focus this week. On a lighter note, I could reference the obvious love (and need) for purses that fit one's life, whatever life may be at that time, and a love of men from Indiana.

Mind you, I'm nearly 20 years older than my mom was when she began her "adult life," as she's called it, I'm having a self-imposed low-key wedding, and the wedding is taking place before we move to Austria rather than once we're there. But the similarities are there, bits of two stories that sound alike in some small way.

Tenuous connections, silly, coincidences....however you might read them, they are special to me. If you know me and my mother, you know we don't often do things in the same way. We have different worldviews and different ways of approaching life and there aren't many cases in which I can say I've followed in her footsteps. So, I choose to see what is happening now as a way of following in her footsteps, cherishing the story that threads through her life to mine and it is to be continued.

The way we got where we did and the reasons we followed may be be different. But right now, tonight, as my wedding approaches and as I look forward to experiencing a whole new world together with my soon-to-be husband, I think of my mom, sitting at the airport waiting to board the plane, and I feel as though I'm sitting there with her.

Passports have arrived!

2010-02-04T20:59:00.000-08:00

It took less than four weeks. Thank goodness we didn't pay the extra $60 apiece to expedite them!

Say it isn't so

2010-01-28T19:37:00.000-08:00

I was blog-surfing last night. I came across a blog by a young gal who spent part of last year as an au pair in Vienna. It was funny, interesting, a little sad (the au pair job didn't work out and she's now back home). I was enjoying my read and all was going along fine until I came across a line, something about .... access to Diet Coke being extremely limited. Um. Why haven't I considered this? Please. Somebody. Tell me this isn't so.

The $5 Bill Game

2010-01-25T20:22:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago, I sat in my doctor's office, flipping through a magazine. It was just after New Year's Day and the cover articles were appropriately promising...."30 Days to a New You," "5 Ways to Lose 5 Pounds in 5 Days," and the requisite, "10 Steps to Save More Money This Year Than You Ever Have Before."

Silly though I pretend to think these are, I will admit I have a weak spot for bite-sized self-help articles. If you pair the self-improvement aspect with a to-do list, or 10 steps, I'm a goner. I rarely follow through with such silliness, of course, usually because they're made up of recycled information, already read, already tried, but I can't stop myself from peeking... just once more...just in case.

That day, I found it. A small little gem. Something new in the "10 Steps to Save More Money" piece. The $5 Bill Game (my name, not the original author's.....I wanted to give it a little something extra to make it more fun for myself). When you find yourself with a $5 bill - if the cashier includes one in your change at the coffee shop or the grocery store - put it aside. Save it. Every $5 bill. Every time.

And so I am, although it's a little slow-going. It seems I'd gotten more in the habit of using my handy check card than cash in the past couple years. But I've made an effort to get back to the cash standard, if only to be able to play my game.

I do realize I will not fund my Vienna move solely with saved $5 bills. I have no grand illusions, but there is something so satisfying about the accumulation of them in my specially designated $5 Bill Savings purse. It's like a grown up piggy bank. And much more satisfying than checking my bank account online and watching a number on the screen oh-so-slowly increase in my savings account. Real money is so much more fun than virtual money.

I definitely need sweaters

2010-01-21T05:58:00.000-08:00

Crazy weather in the Bay Area lately. It is the rainy season, so the downpours are no surprise, but the thunder and lightening that accompany them are. Temperatures aren't low, but everything is wet, windblown, dank, and dark, which sets a chill in my bones. My house is cold, the library where I work is cold, there is no sun, and I can't get warm.

Compare this to Vienna, where it is currently 21 degrees and snowing, and I feel silly complaining about the
"cold." I lived for many years in New England. I know cold. I don't mind cold. I'm just not prepared for cold, sartorially-speaking.

My Northern California cold weather wardrobe consists of lots of thin, layering sweaters worn one over the other. I'm not even sure you can call them sweaters, but that's how they advertise them here. I once owned a dresser full of thick, effective sweaters in every color of the rainbow and a variety of styles and designs. Ah, how I miss them now.

So, I'm considering a sweater investment this year - a real, honest-to-goodness, keeps you warm sweater - and I'm using Vienna as the excuse. I debate this purchase each year and put it off, thinking I just need to get through a short time of cold here and it's not worth spending the money. But I will need sweaters next year, so why not start now?

This does conflict with the other goals of not spending money or increasing the number of possessions we need to bring with us, so I've got a dilemma. Hmmmm.... one won't hurt, right - one beautiful, substantial sweater? I can wear it on the trip to Vienna and save the packing space. And stock up once I get there.

This gets me thinking.....how many pair of shoes is too many to ship overseas? Uh oh.

Ich heisse Caroline. Wie heisst du?

2010-01-16T05:28:00.001-08:00

First lesson in Beginning German at the Piedmont Adult School this week. My name is Caroline. What is your name? But I already knew that.

Kiefer and I attended the first of 10 weekly German classes on Wednesday. I like the instructor and there are six students in the class. It's going to be pretty rudimentary for me, covering things I already know (alphabet, numbers, basic phrases) and I was, at first, a little disappointed. But I've figured out what the major lesson will be for me. To be in the moment. To have to listen to an actual person asking me a question I can't predict in a language I don't know and formulate a response for that real, live person, right then. And to do this with different people - different voices, different inflections, different questions.

I studied Latin and French in high school, but don't recall being put on the spot. Perhaps I've blocked it out. Classes were larger and the work focused on reading and writing, reciting already translated answers rather than having to think on my feet. I earned good grades, but nothing stuck.

My tendency is to continue in this way. I'm good at hunkering down with a text book and barreling through conjugations and declensions. I excel at listening to language lessons and talking back to the computer to practice pronunciation. All of that can be done very nicely in my head, in my home, in my comfort zone.

I've said "Ich heisse Caroline" many times to myself and I've asked the computer its name about as often. I felt completely different saying the phrase and asking the question in class.

But, to get the alphabet and numbers down in 10 weeks isn't fast enough for me, for us, so we're using a different approach - class, Rosetta Stone, and we're hoping to find someone to do a weekly German-only-dinner with us. Holy @!#$#, that seems scary.

Too much? Too many approaches at once? I have no idea, but I suppose we'll see where we are in 10 weeks.

Frohes Neues Jahr

2010-01-12T19:03:00.000-08:00

Birthday Indulgence 2010 - Red Velvet Cheesecake.

Because my birthday is so close to the beginning of the calendar year, I often think of IT as my very own New Year's Day. This gives me an extra 11 days to settle into self reflection, review the previous year and consider resolutions or goals. The big day always comes, though, and as the beautiful red cake above illustrates, that day is today.

2010 is quite a year for those goals, I'd say, so here goes......

SHARE. Those who know me well know I'm a rather tight-lipped sort. When I share about life, be it the tiny details or the big news, I tend to do so once things have begun or, more likely, after the fact. But this project, this blog, heck, this move, won't work that way. I can't make connections, develop relationships, build trust without first being open and sharing.

DON'T LIVE EXCLUSIVELY ONLINE. Blog. Facebook. email. MyFamily.com. A dream come true for me, to hide behind the screen and have written words and photos stand in place of my actual presence and voice. As my online life grows, I'll pay attention to my real, live, in person life as well. Conversations. Phone calls. Coffee dates. The "can't talk, need time to blog, email, FB" excuse will not leave my lips.

STRIKE A BALANCE BETWEEN the HERE & NOW and the UP & COMING. I already find myself saying things like, "well, when we're in Vienna I'll go to the museum more...." as if the Bay Area has a dearth of art and culture to explore. Don't forget where I am, don't put off life thinking too far into the future and looking for greener grass.

LEARN GERMAN. Oh yeah, that small thing.

So, a bit daunted but strangely exhilarated.... I say Frohes Neues Jahr & Alles Gute zum Geburtstag.....Happy New Year & Happy Birthday.....to me! Next year's birthday indulgence may just very well be Sacher Torte.

P.S. For those of you wondering, the passport application has been submit. Deadline met!

Photo: Cheesecake Factory

Warum nicht?

2010-01-10T07:44:00.000-08:00

By far, the most common response to our "We're moving to Vienna!" announcement to date is some version of the question "why?" It usually follows the statement - "That's so exciting" or "Wow, what great news" - but it's never far behind. And it makes me nervous.

How could such a simple question, "why?" give me pause, cause me to stammer "um" and "uh"? Because I'm not sure that even I know the full answer to the question, so how can I explain it to others? And because I'm not sure the answers I do have will strike everyone as logical or reasonable. And I very much like to be seen as logical and reasonable.

Why move? Why Vienna?

For a job? No, neither of us received a job offer in Vienna. The decision to go came first, the job search will come second (or third, or fourth).

Why Vienna, of all the places in the world? Because we found out we know people who know people there. And we heard that it's a good city to start in if we need to slip into speaking English at times to get by. See - there is the reasonableness, the logic. Very practical. Connections and communication.

But why move at all? To experience a different culture. I have this idea (perhaps a romanticized idea, but anecdotes from others seem to confirm it) that life in Europe, even in a larger European city, is different from life in America. I haven't experienced anything other than life in America and I feel at a loss for that. I want to know more. More than a 2 week vacation could teach me.

We're not anchored where we are right now by careers or children or a mortgage. And so, it seemed like a good time to explore. Together.

And, well, have you seen pictures of Vienna? Read about the architecture, the music, the history? It sounds (and looks) like such a rich, magical place, and everyone I've talked to who's been there gets this dreamy look and thrill in their voice that's hard to ignore. I had never thought twice about the city before this began, but now I can't imagine going anywhere else.

So, while there are many other reasons that will probably show up in later posts, my short, sweet, simple answer to the query, "why?" is, from now on...

Warum nicht. Why not.

Step One: Obtain Passport

2010-01-05T18:17:00.000-08:00

That is correct. I am planning a big, fat international move and I have never been outside the United States!

Well, that's not completely true. My father was in the Air Force, stationed in Germany, so my folks married there and I (along with my younger brother) was born there. But we left when I was very little and no memories serve. Unfortunately, neither do my traveling papers from that time.

This task is quite simple to complete and doesn't actually set me on a path from which there is no return. It's a good idea to have a passport, whether I'm moving or not. I've always thought that, but never quite got around to getting one "just because". Now, getting that document has taken on much greater meaning as the first "official" step toward Vienna.

So, simple it may be, but an easy task to put off. A few weeks ago I set myself a deadline. My birthday - get those photos, fill out the form, wait in line, and get the application in by my birthday. My birthday is now 7 days away. And two of those days are weekend days. Yikes.

Turning Excitement into Exploration

2010-01-03T05:42:00.000-08:00

At the moment, the Vienna move doesn't seem real. I imagine I'll go through this often throughout the year, but maybe disbelief will mark only this first phase, before anything has really been done or decided or scheduled. When it's still a lot of talk and not a lot of actual doing.

In fact, rolling thoughts of these "doings" over and over in my mind paralyzes me sometimes.

I had a bit of a panic attack earlier this week because the possibility of finding work, obtaining work visas and a residence permit seems just plain out of reach. And without these, there is no move. I got a bit doomsday about the whole thing and Kiefer had to talk me back from the "there's no point, there's no way, it's too hard and we'll never make it work" ledge. I like to think of myself as an optimist, but short bursts of extreme cynicism are the way I maintain a rose-colored outlook for the long haul. So, I don't know what that makes me. A cynoptimist? What we've realized, thankfully, is that while we each have these bouts of disbelief and doubt, they seem to come at different times. When I'm negative, K is positive and vice versa, so we keep each other on track.

So how to bring myself back around? I work well in phases, with time-lines. I need some sort of structure and purpose and tasks to put on a To Do list to make things real and manageable. Is there a name I can give this phase? This pre-planning phase in which it's too early to look for an actual job or an apartment, but necessary to think about it? What about the Too-Early-to-get-Freaked-Out-Just-Start-Planning-and-Researching-and-Trust-that-We-Will-Find-our-Way phase? Or, the Remember-that-Just-Because-We-Don't-Have-All-the-Answers-Today-Doesn't-Mean-it-isn't-Going-to-Happen phase? Or, maybe we're in the Turning Excitement into Exploration"phase.

Yes. I think I can work with that. Today, we're in the Turning Excitement into Exploration phase and we get to focus on building relationships, making connections and learning German - things we can do today. See, rose-colored glasses are back on.

Things I did today...

2009-12-28T22:13:00.000-08:00

started An American Girl Moves to Vienna blog

downloaded the Rosetta Stone German program on my computer

The very beginning beginnings, but not bad. Still have to figure out the whole pet transport thing. Among other things. Among a million other things.

Merry Christmas, from the cats

2009-12-28T05:45:00.001-08:00

For Christmas, our two cats gifted us the German edition of the Rosetta Stone language learning program. I don't know about you, but this, for me, would immediately raise two questions:

Question 1: Why learn German?
Answer 1: Because we (my fiancee and I) have recently decided to move to Vienna, Austria by the end of 2010. (This answer, of course, leads to myriad offshoot queries, but let's just stick with these two to start...)

Question 2: Can we bring our very generous kitties, Bear & Sister, with us when we move?
Answer 2: I haven't the foggiest idea.

And so begins the journey. A year of planning and discovery, questions and explorations, learning a new language and determining the viability of transporting pets across country lines, to be documented here for the world (or, more likely, my close friends & family) to experience with me.

It's going to be an exciting year.